MONCTON, NB – A report conducted earlier today on which of the brownies had weed in them has come back inconclusive after head researcher Dr. Ken Irons lost track of who ate which brownie.
“These things happen,” stated Dr. Irons “The brownies weren’t that great either. I had some of the non-weed ones but they tasted weird. Oddly skunky. Wow where did you get that jacket?”
The study was done at Brock Marshall’s house, which was deemed a suitable testing ground after being classified as a “level 4 rager.”
The brownies themselves were made by “Brock’s cousin Josh. You know that guy who works at the Subway on Morton.” The study also makes several references to getting Subway “right fucking now.”
Marshall was asked about how the study went and stated that “Everything seemed to be going fine, but then I noticed Dr. Irons started getting distracted. He put his clipboard down, went into the living room, and just sat by my speakers for about an hour, and demanded that I ‘turn up the goddamn bass.’” Marshall also said that Dr. Irons wanted him to play “Pony” by Ginuwine on repeat.
“Oh I was just doing some extra research.” Responded Dr. Irons. “Yeah, I wanted to see what the effects of repeated listening are. Turns out they are awesome. Seriously, so wicked awesome.”
Even though the initial study was a failure, Dr. Irons was still able to report other findings like which chair in the house was the softest (Definitely the big one), which potato chips were the best (All of them), and the merit of Marshall’s comic book collection (Fuckin’ weak, bud).
At press time Dr. Irons was seen at the Subway on Morton ordering a party sub.
