KITCHENER, ON – Well over half an hour into the hold Jason DeMark was placed on by Canada’s largest cable and wireless provider, his need to go to the bathroom finally overwhelmed him and he began to pee right as the call was finally picked up.
“I realized I was going to have to go soon as I got to the main menu, but I figured I could hold it,” said DeMark. “But finally, after the 25th time an instrumental version of that Taylor Swift song was interrupted to remind me how important my call was, I figured forget it, why hold it. That’s when things went awry.”
“I really shouldn’t have brought my phone with me into the bathroom and left it on speaker,” he added.
Call Centre employee Stephanie, who had the misfortune to take DeMark’s call, said she was greeted by what initially sounded like a waterfall, along with a man going “ooooooh, oooooohhh god that feels so good, ohh man…. What? Shit!” as she identified herself.
DeMark said he tried a number of different techniques to resolve the situation, including pretending he had just left the tap on, peeing “real soft”, and then holding it in for a few minutes as he explained his wifi wasn’t working. But he couldn’t hold it back for very long.
“Stephanie I’m sorry!” DeMark yelled as the unmistakable noise began again.
For her part however Stephanie was quite unphased.
“Honestly, this happens so much that I’m kind of surprised when I don’t hear what sounds like a dam breaking under metric tons of pressure as I answer the phone,” she said.
As the last drops dripped out DeMark and Stephanie came to an unspoken agreement to pretend nothing had happened and get on with the service call, which consisted of her telling him to unplug his router for a few seconds and him quietly confirming that his internet was back.
At press time DeMark had just remembered that his call had been recorded for quality assurance.
