By: Steve Baerwald
Do you have problems with your roommates? Do they come home late and make a lot of noise? Do they use up all the hot water? Do they call you a cunt? No? Mine does.
He’s always just bursting into my room and yelling “cunt” at me. Actually as I was typing the opening paragraph, he came into my room said “Whatchya up to cunt? Getting ready for your date with the kleenex box?” I know it’s just the way he is, but does he have to do it so aggressively? Why can’t when he tells me “Have a nice day ya cunt” it have more of an upbeat tone? Like when your mother sends you off to school.
Now I’m open to people saying the word “cunt.” Saying “cunt” is every Canadian’s right. It’s just sometimes at breakfast, before a long day at work, you don’t need to hear the words “Whatchya get up to last night? I only see one pair of shoes, so I guess it was another swing and miss, there eh? Come home all pissed, with a bag of cheetos, and a lady in the old spank bank. I bet you woke up with cheese dust all over you dick. Didn’t yeah you horny little cunt.”
Like, why does he only call me and my family members (sorry Mom), cunts?
It’s a hard thing to bring up too. I don’t deal well with conflict, so I don’t even know how to approach him. I tried once. I even tried to “level” with him. I said “Hey there ya cunty cunt, why don’t you just stop being all cuntish to me, and treat with respect by not calling me a cunt all the time, because as you can see it’s not very nice being called a cunt.”
He still laughs when he sees me.
I also tried looking up some good Canadian insults on the internet to give him a taste of his own medicine, but hoser is overused and I couldn’t figure out if the others were racist or not.
What else is there for me to do? Other than that, he’s not a terrible roommate. He pays his rent on time, he doesn’t eat my food, and he even does his dishes… he just happens to call me a “cunt bag” while doing them.
I guess I’ll just have to learn to deal with it. I guess all Australians are a bunch of Aussie Cunts, or Aus Cunts or…or, Ass Cunts. Yeah that’s what I’ll call him tomorrow, next time he calls me a Mc Cunt with Cheese.