OTTAWA – Breaking through the barriers of political deadlock, entrenched opposition, and conflicting regional interests, a heroic German Shepherd has successfully passed a suite of legislation aimed at taking strong action against climate change.
“When he first jumped into my pickup truck on the edge of town, I thought I was rescuing him,” said Green Party Leader Elizabeth May. “Turns out, he was rescuing us.”
The dog, who various people call Skip, Spot, Sport, Pal or Chum, used a combination of playful trickery, appeals to people’s better nature, and rigorous scientific and economic analysis in order to get all parties on side with the legislation.
“The doorbell rang one morning, and there was the dog, holding a copy of the United Nations report on climate change in his mouth,” said Prime Minister Harper. “Well, I told him to scram. And he did: straight into my heart.”
Executives from the petrochemical company Enbridge say they first realized that they weren’t dealing with an ordinary dog when he refused to eat the steak they left out for him: a steak filled with sticks of dynamite.
“After the third time he tricked us into walking into our own booby traps, we started to think, hey, if he’s smart enough to get the best of us, then maybe, just maybe, the switch to renewable forms of energy is inevitable, and that the only question is how much irreparable damage we do to the environment before it happens,” said Enbridge CEO Al Monaco.
“Heck,” Monaco added. “I bet that dog could fly a plane, provided it was powered by renewably-sourced electricity or emission-free Thorium.”
This is not the first time the unnamed hero dog has arrived in town and stayed just long enough to help some folks with a spot of trouble. Last September, he helped a Prima Ballerina escape her Mafia captors after she was wrongfully accused of a hit-and-run in a town threatened by a forest fire.
Although the nation was sad to see the hero dog go, sources say they understood that there was a voice calling him on to the next adventure, and that they wished him all the best.
