TORONTO – Local bachelor Robbie Labeouf announced earlier this week his intention to probably purchase curtains, eventually, for his apartment of three years.
“It just seems like a thing I should maybe do,” Labeouf explained to a visiting friend while finishing his lunch of KD and Pepsi. “I’m getting tired of having to lie down on the floor to change, just so people don’t see me naked.”
“Also, girls really don’t seem to like that people from the hostel across the street keep looking in.”
Curtain supplements in Labeouf’s past have included beach towels, a Brazilian flag he found on the street, and a life-size cut-out of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Past obstacles inhibiting Labeouf’s purchase of a household necessity include thinking about doing laundry, seeing what’s new on Netflix, and passing out fully dressed on his couch while watching Mad Men.
In defence of his alleged procrastination, Labeouf cited a lack of free time.
“I’ve just been so busy since I moved in, what with that part-time job and everything. Heck, I still have to finish putting up those Tarantino posters,” he elaborated.
“Actually, do you think I could just put the posters on the windows instead?”
