TORONTO, ON ― After years of failure to deliver road safety measures that in any way resemble the innovative Swedish program whose name they bear, John Tory recently unveiled plans for a more att…
Tag: Toronto
Danielle Smith clarifies that it’s Alberta first, Saskatchewan second, New Brunswick last
EDMONTON – Running for leader of the UCP on a platform of ‘Alberta First’ Danielle Smith took time today to give reporters her clear ranking of the Canadian provinces. “Ma…
‘Never Have I Ever’ Toronto ad features couple who have never been renovicted
TORONTO – The team behind the ubiquitous ‘Never Have I Ever’ spots showcasing Toronto residents who have never participated in well-known Toronto experiences like going to the R…
Toronto police spend $1m on flip flops for officers to patrol beaches
TORONTO, ON — Toronto Police Service are spending $1 million on flip flops as officers have patrol the beaches for this year’s Summer season. “It’s a matter of having our officers adequately equi…
Federal, provincial, and municipal leaders strike landmark deal to blame each other for housing prices
OTTAWA – Reaching across all 3 levels of Government, the leaders of Canada’s national, provincial, and big city governments have reached a historic deal allowing them to shift the blame for…
Doug Ford grants powers to new Strong Mayors, Fast Mayors, Heat-Vision Mayors
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has emerged from his secret underground laboratory to announce his successful creation of a new breed of mayor with the strength, speed, agility and superhuman…
Edmonton man furious he actually does know ‘Steve from Toronto’ American acquaintance just asked about
CANCUN – Local man Garth Evers was beside himself to discover he actually does know the ‘Steve from Toronto’ this American he just met on vacation inquired about. “When he…
Editorial: Actually, some of my best friends are multicultural – by Michael Ford
My uncle Doug Ford and I have been getting a lot of flak online for my recent appointment as Ontario Minister of Multiculturism and I don’t think it’s fair, not one bit. What people don’t seem to…
Run down, tiny Semi-detached can’t believe these suckers paid 1.8 million to live in it
TORONTO – A dilapidated semi-detached home in the Leslieville area was shocked to discover that the new residents had paid nearly 2 million dollars to live in it. “1.8 million?! Dolla…
Toronto police ask for budget increase to more equitably beat up residents
TORONTO – Following newly revealed statistics proving that Toronto Police Services uses force against BIPOC residents far more often than it does white ones, Chief James Ramer has asked the…