TORONTO – Earlier reports indicate that the nation has collectively said ‘fuck it’ to hockey since basketball is now the official sport of Canada. Despite hundreds of billions of hours the …
Tag: Toronto Raptors
Trump announces tariff on Canada’s three-pointers
OAKLAND, CA – US President Donald Trump has issued trade sanctions against all of Canada’s three-pointers. The President applied Section 232 Trade Expansion Act which slapped a one-point fi…
NBA streams subreddit becomes Canada’s #1 TV provider
TORONTO – Following the Raptors’ incredible postseason run, Canadian TV ratings agencies and sources inside web content aggregator Reddit confirmed today that the subreddit r/nbastreams has…
Man who waited in line for three days to get into Jurassic Park horrified to discover he can just watch game at home
TORONTO – Local man Jerome Dobbins, who has been waiting in line to get into Toronto’s famed Raptors viewing party square since Saturday at 9am, was shocked and quite frankly furious to dis…
Ecstatic bandwagon fan says he’s always been cheering for Kevin Lowry
COBOURG, ON- Bandwagon Raptors fan Caleb Fletcher insists he has been cheering for his favourite player Kevin Lowry this whole time. “I love his passion for the game,” said Fletcher w…
“We’re ready for game 5,” says Raptors head coach Drake
MILWAUKEE, WI – Toronto Raptors head coach Drake says his team is 100% ready for a critical game 5 against the Milwaukee Bucks. The coach known for his animated court-side calls and antics …
Toronto Raptors looking to compete for title of fourth or fifth best team in NBA
TORONTO – With the upcoming NBA season rapidly approaching, there is an air of excitement in Toronto as Raptors fans see their teaming having a real shot to do the unthinkable and finally w…
Kyle Lowry wakes from surgery to find Drake asleep in hospital room chair
TORONTO – Recovering from surgery to clean out loose bodies from his right wrist, Raptors point guard Kyle Lowry woke up to find hip hop superstar Drake asleep in the hospital room chair, w…
Raptors fan seeks therapy to help cope with success
TORONTO, ON – Long time Raptors fan Dave Burkle admits to suffering unusual amounts of stress and anxiety during the Raptors historic playoff run. “I feel like I lost 3 months off my life,” said …
Dwyane Wade angers Canadians by claiming US won War of 1812 during O Canada
MIAMI — Further angering many Canadians, Miami Heat shooting guard Dwyane Wade has claimed that the United States of America was victorious in the War of 1812 while the Canadian national an…