Orillia, ON – What began as one quarantined woman’s attempt at bringing yet another sourdough bread into the world, has ended in tragedy as the severely disfigured loaf is currently being u…
Tag: social distancing
Nation more aerodynamic than ever after everyone shaves head during lockdown
OTTAWA – After several weeks in self-isolation, and several months after their last haircut, thousands of Canadians took matters into their own hands and opted to shave their heads. This th…
“We need to open up the economy and get back to work,” says COVID-19
FLORIDA – Thousands of protestors took to the streets in the United States this past weekend to demand that social distancing rules end and people be allowed to return to work, including CO…
Dynamic modeling predicts end of quarantine to be absolute horned-up fuckfest
OTTAWA – In a Facebook Live press conference, Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam released numbers based on dynamic modeling that project the end of self-isolation will be a sopping…
Local jerkwad only on day 3 of quarantine
GUELPH, ON – Early this morning local fool Hansen Lund posted an obnoxiously long Instagram story detailing his third day of quarantine, much to the horror and displeasure of his followers.…
Employees at home working hard at pretending to work
OTTAWA – Millions of Canadians working from home due to the COVID-19 pandemic have started their days off pretending to be hard at work. “I could read these documents that my manager sent t…
Dogs cleared by WHO to resume eating single piece of spaghetti until they kiss
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – After months of uncertainty about their susceptibility to COVID-19, the World Health Organization announced that dogs could resume eating a single piece of spaghetti u…
Public health authorities deploy emotionally absent fathers to teach social distancing
WINNIPEG – Health authorities in Canada have deployed hundreds of emotionally absent fathers to teach the public about their techniques in social distancing to help prevent the spread of CO…