TORONTO – A recent socio-economic study by the University of Toronto suggests that the COVID-19 pandemic has put many millennials in the most retirement home-like settings they will ever ex…
Tag: self-isolation
Local man who always cobbles together Halloween costume last minute grateful he only has to do top half this year
EDMONTON — As Halloween draws near, local masters student Paul McBride is grateful that, unlike previous years, COVID-19 restrictions mean he only has to furiously cobble together the top half of…
Local woman’s fondest memory of 2020 is really gonna be that new Borat movie huh?
CALGARY – Despite her best efforts at self-improvement and professional development during the COVID-19 pandemic, it looks like, somehow, the peak of Florence Vega’s year will be her Monday…
Burglar who hid under bed to avoid getting caught has been waiting two months for woman to leave apartment
VANCOUVER – When cat burglar Blanche Hudson dove under the bed of intended victim Jane Davis after Davis unexpectedly returned home during an attempted robbery, Hudson had no idea that she …
Great news! Upstairs neighbor finally has time to work on their vocal exercises
While we’re all overwhelmed by the dreary news of a global pandemic, upstairs Vancouver neighbour Elizabeth Caza is turning Covid into “Goal-Vid!” by practicing her vocal exercises for hours! Eli…
Nation more aerodynamic than ever after everyone shaves head during lockdown
OTTAWA – After several weeks in self-isolation, and several months after their last haircut, thousands of Canadians took matters into their own hands and opted to shave their heads. This th…
Quarantined couple attempt to spice up relationship by putting pants on
TORONTO – Monica Gonzales and Tom Meyer, a couple living in downtown Toronto, had been self-isolating together for over a month when they felt their relationship growing stale. The couple, …
Dynamic modeling predicts end of quarantine to be absolute horned-up fuckfest
OTTAWA – In a Facebook Live press conference, Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam released numbers based on dynamic modeling that project the end of self-isolation will be a sopping…
Woman moves beyond bread-making stage of lockdown, breaks ground on mill in apartment
MOOSE JAW, SK – After a few weeks of staying home, Heather Chung has surpassed the bread making stage of self-isolation and has begun building a full-fledged flour mill in her one bedroom a…
Local woman claims daily routine of panic, anguish, and despair really helps to centre her
EDMONTON – Recently laid-off Natalie Ramires has been evangelizing about the benefits of a fixed daily schedule built upon panic, anguish and despair during self-isolation. “I live alone, …