Having already bought every stadium in the country, the nations telecommunications giants have now scooped up the naming rights for the hundreds of thousands of newborns in Canada. Catch a…
Tag: rogers
Rogers offers new ‘re-sign Encarnacion and Bautista’ bundle
TORONTO – Rogers Media, the corporate owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, is now offering its customers a new TV, internet, and phone bundle to ensure free agents Jose Bautista and Edwin Encarn…
Local father regales family with stories of battles fought against telecommunications providers
KINGSTON — Late last night, local father Paul Mallory gathered his family by the fire to recount many illustrious battles fought against major telecommunications providers. Speaking to his …
Rogers Wireless reports $10 million profit from people calling CRTC to complain about Rogers Cable
TORONTO – Rogers Wireless, Canada’s largest cellular communications company, achieved an unexpected $10,000,000.00 profit as a result of the amount of time Canadians are spending on their p…
Ted Rogers statue receives better police treatment than actual human women
TORONTO – Following an incident in which police visited a man who jokingly threatened to tear down the Ted Rogers statue, Toronto police have warned citizens that they take online threats o…
New $25 skinny cable package to revolutionize way viewers switch to Netflix
TORONTO – Canadian broadcasters unveiled their ‘skinny’, Canadian-centric cable packages today, a move that the CRTC says will forever alter the way Canadians cancel their subscriptions. “T…
‘Hockey Night’ experience gives Rogers courage to ruin Blue Jays
TORONTO – Having successfully rebranded Hockey Night in Canada from a beloved cultural institution into an unwatchable orgy of corporate synergy, Rogers Communications says it’s finally ready to …
80% of TTC wifi traffic just emails explaining lateness
TORONTO – A new study published by an independent technology research group says that 80% of the Toronto Transit Commission’s new free Wi-Fi network activity is just emails communicat…
Anthopolous rejects Rogers contract after realizing it only comes with 150 long distance minutes
TORONTO – The Blue Jays have announced the departure of General Manager Alex Anthopolous due to a contract dispute in which Rogers was only able to promise him 150 long distance minutes. “A…
Toronto Blue Jays fans eager to end 22-year rioting drought
TORONTO – After a two decade playoff absence fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are hopeful this will be the year they can finally destroy their city in a drunken World Series celebration. “I wa…
