TORONTO – Following the NHL’s surprising announcement that Rogers Communications, and its Sportsnet tv stations, would have exclusive rights to nationally broadcast hockey games for the nex…
Tag: NHL
NHL bans concussions
TORONTO – In response to the number of severe head injuries professional hockey players have suffered in recent years, the National Hockey League has banned all players from getting concuss…
NHL considers re-naming Ottawa Senators to something less dysfunctional and sad
OTTAWA – NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk have announced their desire to find a less depressing and tedious namesake for the Ottawa based hockey team. “We exp…
Parros’ mustache fails to break his fall
MONTREAL — Habs enforcer George Parros was released from hospital yesterday after his mustache failed to break his fall during a third period brawl with the Leafs’ Colton Orr. “I spen…
NHL14 video game has Toronto Maple Leaf ‘collapse’ cheat code
TORONTO – The famous Toronto Maple Leaf collapse during last year’s playoffs has now been immortalized with a cheat code in EA Sport’s NHL 14. “I was frustrated,” said Frank Gannon, 3…
Loblaw purchases Shoppers Drug Mart, forgets to use Optimum card
TORONTO – Loblaw Cos. proudly announced today the $12.4 billion acquisition of Shoppers Drug Mart Corp. in a move that has merged two of Canada’s biggest retailers but failed to provide any…
Phaneuf advances to next round of relationship despite poor last-minute play
SUMMERFIELD, PE – With his wedding to actress Elisha Cuthbert, Leafs captain Dion Phaneuf has officially advanced to the next round of his relationship despite a poor last-minute performanc…
Chicago Blackhawks dedicate Stanley Cup win to the spirits of their Native American ancestors
CHICAGO – Returning home for a Stanley Cup parade after a shocking Game 6 victory over the Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks players were quick to credit the warrior spirit and enduring tra…
Study: Every child who cheated at NHL 94 now a hardened criminal
BURNABY, BC – A new study by Simon Fraser university has revealed that all children who constantly relied on well known but impossible to stop cheats to win at NHL 94 have turned into dange…
Canadian man unsure if he loves Canada more than he hates the Ottawa Senators
VANCOUVER – Having seen his own team eliminated in the first round, Canucks fan Andre Deschampes must decide whether having a Canadian team in the finals is worth the pain and embarrassmen…