OTTAWA – In a move that many experts fear will cause a rift in already strained negotiations, Canada’s toddlers unilaterally demanded more uppies earlier today. Talks have entered arbitrati…
Tag: Mothers
QUIZ: Are you a Cool Mom, Business Mom, Lame Mom or Infertile Aunt?
Being a modern mother is a lot of work and we often become a version of ourselves we never even knew possible! But what kind of mother are you? Maybe you’re not a mom and all. Maybe you’re an inf…
Mothers gather for annual Festival of Secretly Ripping on Gifts
PARTS UNKNOWN – Mothers worldwide have covertly gathered together for their annual tradition of secretly mocking the gifts they received for Mother’s Day. The ceremony begins with the light…
Report: Oh fuck, Mother’s Day!
OTTAWA—Scientists released a report today indicating that shit! It’s Mother’s Day! Fuck, what time is it? Authors of the report further stated that goddamn it, Mom’s probably already in bed by no…
Local Mother’s Day ruined by Freudian Slip
SASKATOON, SK – Witnesses report that local businessman, Jared Rice, has made Mother’s Day intolerably awkward for everyone around him after he accidentally introduced his mother, Ruth, as …
Local mom already teary-eyed full week before Mother’s Day
SASKATOON – Debra McIntosh, a local mother, is barely holding back tears of happiness after she remembered that her husband and children will be celebrating Mother’s Day in a week. “Just th…
Authorities deem mother unfit for letting her children live in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG — Further to an upward trend of activity by Child Protective Services (CPS), the CPS launched an investigation into the conduct of a mother of two who has been allowing her childr…
Local mom investigated for allowing 38-year-old son to move out, get a job
Toronto – After her 38 year-old son Ben Johnson moved out and got a job at Starbucks, Child Protective Services decided to investigate his mother, Deborah, for possible child neglect and abandonm…
Local child wants to push button
This afternoon, witnesses report a woman walking with a 5-year-old girl who loudly proclaimed her desire to push the button at the crosswalk. “She was really pushy,” said James P. Garland, a loca…
Local mom gifts daughter item clearly bought for herself
Markham, ON — Local mother Wendy Reese has confirmed allegations that the most recent gift she gave to her daughter Sarah Reese was, in fact, initially purchased for herself. The item in qu…
