CALGARY, AB – A recent study out of the University of Alberta has come to the startling conclusion that ignoring the suffering of others is linked to having an optimistic view of life. When…
Tag: health
Chill as fuck medicine okay to consume with alcohol
Beaconsfield, QC – A generic store brand prescription medication, Padrazole, is making waves at a local house party after college rugby player, Luke Auden found out the stomach ulcer treati…
Running every day is the secret to long life, claim people being chased by lions
Abbotsford, BC – What’s the secret to a long and healthy life? According to those currently being hunted by hungry lions, the trick is running as fast as you possibly can. “Just don’t stop runnin…
World’s sick, injured travel to see NHL team doctors after they miraculously heal entire rosters in time for playoffs
LAS VEGAS – People with injuries and illnesses that conventional doctors have been unable to hear have begun making medical pilgrimages to see NHL team doctors after hearing how they were a…
Optometrists finally admit there is no difference between one and two
Welland, ON – In a big win for optometry patients around the country, the nation’s eye doctors have finally come clean, admitting there is no difference between lens number one and lens number tw…
STUDY: You’re the only uggo in this Pilates class
SWITZERLAND – A new study published in Nature has confirmed what scientists have long suspected — in this Pilates class, you are the only uggo. Scientists conducted the seconds-long experiment t…
UPDATE: Gerbil has already surpassed your fitness goals
TORONTO – Brandi Bepple was shocked to discover her daughter’s gerbil, Peanut, has already surpassed her 2023 fitness goals, despite her extensive preparation and detailed vision boarding. Bepple…
Health inspector fired for being a picky eater
MONCTON – Officials announced Monday that local health inspector Burt Beynolds has been let go from his position as city health inspector for judging restaurants according to his particular prefe…
Hospitals to fight critical staffing shortage by declaring that all PhDs are “that kind of doctor” now
OTTAWA – In an effort to combat the national doctor shortage crippling many provincial healthcare systems, hospitals across Canada have declared that all PhD holders, regardless of field, a…
Local vegan confesses she can also tell food is vegan
COURTENAY, BC – A local vegan has confessed that she, too, can tell her food is vegan. Chelsea Forsythe made the shocking confession after a near decade of vigilant veganism, during which she has…
