HEAVEN – Hesitant and embarrassed, God, the almighty Lord, creator of Earth and the heavens, approached recently deceased sex educator Sue Johanson with a question. “Hey, I’m, a…
Tag: god
Gun violence grinds to a halt after God finds prayers in spam folder
HEAVEN – On a short Zoom call with stakeholders, today, God informed those present that the most recent mass shooting in the United States was the result of a too-broad junk filter in Heave…
“Thanks, it has pockets!” says God, talking about the universe
MILKY WAY – In a rare interview, God made a statement about how excited they were about the pockets in their universe. They then did a cute little twirl to show off said pockets, sending a …
Gilbert Gottfried joins Bob Saget and Norm MacDonald for Comedy Central Roast of God
HEAVEN – With news breaking that Gilbert Gottfried has passed away, Heaven has announced the beloved comedian has joined his departed friends Bob Saget and Norm MacDonald in the Comedy Cent…
God announces long awaited Golden Girls reunion special
HEAVEN – After years of speculation from fans, God announced today the highly anticipated Golden Girls reunion special is now available for subscribers of Heaven. “We’ve been wa…
Tall couple oblivious to their threatening presence
CALGARY, AB – Towering above their friends at a backyard barbeque last night, local tall couple Morgan LeMarche (6’2”) and Spencer Daniels (6’4”) startled party-goers as they socialized and…
Dead whale really ruining the experience of being carried across beach by God
NANAIMO, BC – According to local sources, the rotting carcass of a beached grey whale has complicated Becky Shelton’s profound spiritual crisis. “Don’t get me wrong, I love that God is here to c…
Couple goes ahead with wedding despite pretty big sign from God
LONDON – After 2 years of dating, local couple Lauren and Travis May celebrated their undying love for each other by tying the knot despite the fairly obvious and extremely large sign from God t…
Toronto Catholic schools to reopen so kids will be with God sooner
TORONTO – The Toronto Catholic School Board has announced that schools will reopen with regular class sizes in the hopes that students will get sick and join God sooner. “The government isn…
God tests positive for COVID-19 after church services continue
HEAVEN – After religious groups have continued to go to church despite warnings about large public gatherings, The Almighty One has contracted COVID-19. “At first I thought I just had a sor…