TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has backtracked on his government’s promise to suspend unvaccinated health care workers and will, instead, send them to long term care facilities to free up more…
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Rhyming couplet seeks third
STRATFORD-UPON-AVON – Looking to spice up the poem they’re in, a rhyming couplet has posted an online classified that says “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall and had a great fall, but now we’re waiting…
Doug Ford promises to spend second term undoing harm caused by first term
TORONTO – After un-cancelling the $15 minimum wage increase, Premier Doug Ford is promising Ontarians that, if re-elected, he will spend the entirety of his second term fighting tooth and n…
“Excuse me, I have a head, it’s a pumpkin,” claims local Horseman
SLEEPY HOLLOW, NY – The figure known colloquially as the ‘Headless Horseman’ is attempting to set the record straight about the status of his cranium and the hurt caused by hund…
Mad pseudoscientist unable to replicate previous results at bringing monstrosity to life
CASTLE LAZARUS – Doctor Viktor Lazarus a “self-taught” student of the biological and galvanic sciences has purportedly been working for weeks to repeat his past success at creating ungodly …
Metastatic cancer worried people will start associating it with Facebook
MENLO PARK, CA – Following the announcement that the corporation which owns Facebook, Instagram and Oculus has changed its name to Meta Platforms, Inc., the process which results in cancero…
Education Minister clarifies he would have normally fired 50,000 education workers for non-COVID reasons
TORONTO – Ontario’s Education Minister Stephen Lecce explained that he would have made Ontario’s education system “more efficient” by cutting 50,000 education jobs, but enforcing a vaccine …
“I’m not going to get vaccinated just to comply with arbitrary public safety rules,” says cop who makes living writing speeding tickets
TORONTO – As the deadline looms for Toronto police to get vaccinated or be put on unpaid leave, many officers who spend their days writing speeding tickets are refusing to get “an unn…
Province that didn’t pay $4.5 billion for Trans Mountain pipeline votes against equalization
EDMONTON – The province that didn’t pay $4.5 billion for the Trans Mountain pipeline has voted 62% in favour of refusing to understand how the federal equalization program works. The ‘Yes’ …
