OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre couldn’t contain his glee today upon hearing the news that Donald Trump plans to enact a 25% tariff on Canadian goods as soon as he takes office. “Our largest trad…
Tag: Featured Post
Local man hoping for Christmas miracle of Canada Post employees surrendering collective bargaining rights
Brandon, Manitoba – Robert Jones is praying for a miracle as the Canada Post strike enters its second week – the miracle of postal workers putting down their picket signs, shutting the fuck up, a…
Opinion: Bluesky is a dangerous echo chamber because no one wants to hear from me, specifically
By Freya Grosvenor-Kent Two years ago, Elon Musk bought Twitter. I personally didn’t have a problem with that, because I’m a common sense centrist who nevertheless only writes about how mu…
Restaurant lets customer pick lobster they want to fuck
HALIFAX – To the delight of its longstanding customers, Jimmy’s Seafood and Steak Shack has recently installed a 200 galleon tank full of live lobsters so customers can have their pick of which o…
ICC issuing arrest warrant for Netanyahu clear proof of court’s bias against genocidal maniacs
The Hague, Netherlands – The International Criminal Court has issued arrest warrants for Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and former Defence Minister Yoav Gallant in a clear demonstration of i…
Poilievre denies he’d be a Canadian Trump: “I’ll be more like a Canadian JD Vance”
OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre continues to refute all Liberal Party attempts to tie him to President Donald Trump, insisting that if people pay close attention they’ll see he’s way …
Conservatives announce new innocuous thing they’re terrified of
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has officially announced that in addition to walkable cities, vaccines, and transgender children, they are also deeply afraid of eating bugs. “We W…
5 ways Democrats can win the next election, all of which involve throwing Trans people under the bus for some reason
With Democrats reeling from the magnitude of Donald Trump’s victory, analysts and party insiders are coming out with plans for how the party can recover in time for the 2026 midterms and th…
“It feels like it comes earlier every year,” says premature ejaculator
TORONTO – As shopping malls and grocery stores switch to Christmas music and eager neighbours begin putting up decorations, local accountant Thomas Muncy has told reporters that he’s ejaculating …
Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick
Vaughan, ON – Members of the Braiden family are excited to have an entire day where nobody in the house is sick. “Usually October through April at least one of us will have a fever, s…
