Beloved Readers, When we started The Beaverton we were just a bunch of smartasses trying to make each other laugh during our weekly meeting on the second floor of a disgusting pub behind Honest E…
Tag: Featured Post
Coworker putting up Christmas decorations justifiably murdered
TORONTO — Account manager Andrea Gill was quietly dispatched on Tuesday after spending the weekend festooning her workplace with Christmas decorations. “She’d been starting earlier every year,” s…
Lame-ass ghost turns out to be metaphor for grief instead of a cool chain-rattling guy
OTTAWA – Allison Carver, who has recently experienced a series of paranormal events in her home, has told reporters that she was disappointed to discover she’s undergoing a boring, metaphorical h…
BC Conservative leader clarifies that every batshit thing he’s ever said was a misunderstanding unless you agree with it
VICTORIA – As the provincial election draws to a close, Conservative Party of B.C. leader John Rustad is making a last push to appeal to voters by denying everything he’s ever said that the…
5 funniest options for which Conservative MP engaged in foreign interference
Yesterday Justin Trudeau stated that Conservative “Parliamentarians” are engaged in foreign interference in Canadian elections. And many observers pointed out that it was a bit odd fo…
Trudeau invites Canadians to play a new game called ‘Guess That Traitor!’
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau unveiled a new game for Canadians to play during his testimony before the committee on foreign interference in Canada’s elections, in which people wil…
Fans not falling for Oilers ‘maybe we suck’ bullshit this year
EDMONTON – NHL fans have made it clear that the Oilers starting the season by looking like one of the worst teams in the league will not fool them like it did last year. “I don’…
Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province
Thanksgiving is here. A time for families to come together, make lasting memories and try to remember what this Holiday is technically supposed to be honouring. But mostly we eat. Usually Turkey …
Doug Ford reveals how he will destroy 5 more Toronto landmarks
Having managed to take down Ontario Place and The Science Centre, Doug Ford’s plans to destroy every cool thing in Toronto appear to be well under way. But the man who put the Buck into …
Loblaws: “now we need to raise prices because of deflation or whatever”
TORONTO – After years of blaming inflation for raising prices on groceries, Canadian grocery chain behemoth Loblaws has announced that the current low interest rate environment will also re…
