CALGARY – Reports from the Calloway household indicate that a local ant is taking a pointlessly circuitous route to a tasty chocolate chip cookie crumb. “He rounded the knife block twice, and the…
Tag: Featured Post
Corrupt Federal Body Inspector busted
OTTAWA – Officials from the Federal Body Inspection agency have announced that Special Agent Bradley Carmichael has been stripped of his rank and discharged after being enmeshed in a corruption s…
Amazeballs explosion! Trendster adds awesome sauce to cool beans
BRAMALEA, ON — Local trendster Emily Ling established herself as the GOAT when she pushed the envelope by pouring awesome sauce onto cool beans, resulting in an amazeballs explosion of cray cray …
Lazy scientists announce there are probably several kinds of squirrels but they move too fast to be sure
OTTAWA – The Canadian Society of Sluggish Scientists (not to be confused with the Canadian Society of Slug Scientists) has announced via press release that they’re pretty sure there are many kind…
Archeological evidence reveals Jesus’s speciality as a carpenter was installing jacuzzis
JUDAEA — Archeologists from Sapienza University of Rome have recently uncovered evidence suggesting that Yeshua Ben Yusuf, popularly known as “Jesus,” had a thriving career installing jacuzzis. “…
Conscientious driver slows to 30 km/h in school zone while hitting children with car
EDMONTON – In an effort to be the most responsible driver he can possibly be, John Carnaby is making sure he obeys the speed limit when he cruises through school zones and beans kids with his 201…
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
According to a recent poll, about 13% of Canadians support Donald Trump’s recent suggestion that Canada become the 51st state. Naturally we wanted to ask them “what the fuck is wrong …
Leafs confident they’ll keep winning as long as they get the best goaltending in the league every single night
TORONTO – As they continue to win games despite being completely unable to score goals, the Toronto Maple Leafs players and coaches expressed confidence that their success will continue as …
“Why is Toronto traffic so terrible?” wonders man in car
TORONTO – Reports from this morning rush hour suggest that people who drive everywhere continue to wonder why Toronto traffic is so bad. “I don’t understand it,” said Lloy…
Puerto Ricans pissed Canada could become U.S. state before them
SAN JUAN, PR – In the wake of Donald Trump unveiling plans to make Canada the 51st U.S. state, Puerto Ricans who have been trying to attain proper electoral representation expressed their frustra…
