CALGARY – According to reports from the Whittaker household, a spoon has been found on a bedroom nightstand despite the utensil’s natural kitchen habitat being well over a dozen steps away. “Whil…
Tag: Featured Post
Elon Musk as committed to Twitter takeover as he is to fatherhood
AUSTIN, TX – In a move that surprised no one paying attention, billionaire baby daddy Elon Musk has shown as much long term interest in Twitter as he does in his nine children (that we know…
80s nostalgia peaks with return of hole in ozone layer
WATERLOO – The 80s revival inspired by the hit Netflix show Stranger Things has reached new heights as scientists announced they have discovered a hole in the ozone layer. “If you thought t…
Rogers announces all customers affected by nationwide outage will receive free copy of Ted Rogers’ autobiography
TORONTO – After a massive nationwide outage left people without internet, cable or phone for 24 hours or longer Rogers Communications Inc. reiterated how sorry it was and promised that ever…
Juraj Slafkovský excited to play in front of Montreal’s famously patient and understanding fans
MONTREAL – After being selected first overall in the 2022 NHL draft, 18-year-old Slovakian left winger Juraj Slafkovský is thrilled by the opportunity to play for Montreal’s serene hockey …
Boris Johnson leaves yet another party disheveled and without a clue what’s going on
LONDON, UK — After numerous calls for his resignation, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has finally stumbled out of the Conservative Party despite not understanding what he did to piss everyo…
Need advice overthrowing a democratically elected government? Better Call Brad!
Paid Advertisement Have you or your family failed to win public support for violently overthrowing a Canadian government? Are you occupying a country’s capital but failing to win any sympathy bec…
Canadian man spends entire summer inventing excuses for why he can’t go camping
Stratford, ON – Local man Eric Morgenstern will once again be spending his summer thinking of reasons why he can’t join friends on their upcoming camping trips. “Life would be s…
Boyfriend blissfully unaware of how often partner weeps at his imaginary funeral
WINNIPEG – Local Jared Marshall lives a peaceful life in Manitoba; working by day, relaxing by night, all the while unaware that behind closed doors his partner weeps at the idea of his ima…
“I’m actually a mixologist,” says bartender about to charge you $27.50 for a gin and tonic
CALGARY – A bartender at a cocktail joint called the Top Hat is about to charge you an exorbitant sum for a two-ingredient drink, according to tipsy sources who are feeling ripped off. “So this …
