OTTAWA – Health Canada and Canadian Blood Services bragged this morning that their controversial ban on accepting blood donations from men who have sex with men (MSM) “is basically no…
Tag: Featured Post
Which vax tracks and which ones are hacks? Our intern tries ALL the new Covid vaccines!
Hey there! Beaverton intern Alex Barnes here! Thanks to the Beaverton, I recently got the chance to try ALL the hot new COVID-19 vaccines in one WILD afternoon (don’t try this at home, y’al…
Prince William named world’s sexiest bald man as if Mr. Clean isn’t literally right there
LONDON – According to a new study by Google, Prince William has finally been crowned king… as sexiest bald man. As if Mr. Clean wasn’t literally right there the entire fucking time. Eileen …
Theodore Tugboat gets stuck in northwest passage
ARCTIC OCEAN – This morning it was discovered that beloved East Coast icon Theodore Tugboat has been caught in a narrow portion of the Northwest Passage, resulting in a bottleneck of ships …
Doug Ford reassures Ontarians that vaccines sitting in freezers will be sold at enormous profit
TORONTO – Under pressure for keeping thousands of doses of vaccines in storage rather than administer them, Premier Ford reassured Ontarians this morning that these vaccines will be sold to…
Supreme Court rules carbon tax constitutional after invoking ‘We’re All Gonna Fucking Die’ principle
OTTAWA – The Supreme Court of Canada held that Justin Trudeau’s imposition of the carbon tax was constitutional as a result of the little known ‘if we don’t do something we’re gonna be real…
Liberals attack Conservative party for not acknowledging then ignoring climate change
OTTAWA – The Liberals have wasted no time in denouncing Conservative MPs for belonging to a party that refused to acknowledge the reality of climate change at their recent policy convention…
Ford unwilling to administer vaccines because he has named each one, grown attached
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is unwillingly to administer all the vaccines the federal government has acquired and supplied to Ontario because he has named each one and grown attache…
Torontonian engages in beloved Toronto pastime of threatening to leave Toronto
TORONTO – Torontonian and lesser media personality Jon Stills sparked a lively online conversation last Thursday after a Twitter thread continued the longstanding and beloved Toronto pastim…
Conservative delegates vote against recognizing Climate Change, winning elections
OTTAWA – Delegates at the Conservative Party’s policy convention have voted against confirming “climate change is real” and also against winning another election. By a margin of 54 percent …
