Which vax tracks and which ones are hacks? Our intern tries ALL the new Covid vaccines! - The Beaverton

Which vax tracks and which ones are hacks? Our intern tries ALL the new Covid vaccines!

Hey there! Beaverton intern Alex Barnes here! Thanks to the Beaverton, I recently got the chance to try ALL the hot new -19 in one WILD afternoon (don’t try this at home, y’all, I’m a professional intern), and I can’t wait to give you the LOWDOWN on which vaxes are WACK and which ones STACK!

This is the vax that Kamala Harris got which is so sick! It’s a two doser, but I took the two doses one after the other and I feel great! Didn’t really hurt my arm all that much! If anything the experience was TOO BLAND! Nonetheless, I’m pretty sure I don’t have COVID so I’m gonna say this one TRACKS!


Another double doser! This one is stored in a supercold fridge so it came out SUPER STEAMY which is VERY COOL! I know my arm doesn’t have taste buds but I felt like this one tasted better? I gots ta give it up for the P-B vax, because just like peanut butter, this SMACKS!


Uh oh! This one’s been in the news for maybe giving blood clots to some DANISH PEOPLE or maybe AUSTRIANS. I didn’t get any blood clots that I’m aware of, but I do know that after getting three vaccines in 15 minutes I’m KIND OF WOOZY! For that reason I’m going to say this vaccine is JUST OKAY!

Johnson & Johnson

I like my vaccines like I like my booze! All in one shot! Oh yeah! I have been loyal to Johnson & Johnson since their shampoo didn’t make me cry when I was a kid! The J&J is here to stay, ! I LOVE THIS VACCINE! I MAY BE EXPERIENCING SOME KIND OF MANIA!

Sputnik V

I took Sputnik V and I’m feeling alive! Barely! Not feeling very good. Lying down for a bit. Don’t like myself or my body rn. For that reason I’m going to say the Sputnik V is both wack and hack. , I mean WACK AND HACK!!! *cough* Ugh.


Very sick now! If you see my mom, tell her I really appreciate all those times she brought my lunch to school when I forgot it on the counter. Pretty sure I won’t make it if I take another vaccine. My editor at the Beaverton said if I did this article, they’d consider paying me, which is great because I have a to support. On the other hand, it’s going to be sad for my kids to grow up without… well never mind.


This one is QUAX! Oh God, what does that mean?