TORONTO – At a press conference this morning Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced that the province would be banning all non-essential jacking off to combat the rise of COVID-19. “List…
Tag: Featured Post
Winter leg hair declared old growth by UNESCO
VICTORIA – After months of deliberation and strenuous debate, an expanse of winter leg hair located on the lower half of Hannah Angelopoulos has now been classified as old growth by the Uni…
Ford: we thought having a confusing mess of vaccine registration sites would give people in lockdown something to do
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford defended the shambolic vaccine registration process this morning, noting it gives Ontarians stuck at home something to spend all their time doing. “All pandemic …
Liberals shut down probe into sexual misconduct in the military after discovering they don’t care about sexual misconduct in the military
OTTAWA – Liberal members of a defence committee investigating sexual misconduct in Canada’s military have, in concert with Bloc Quebecois MPs, voted to shut down the investigation after the…
Moderna vaccine having bad reaction to Stephen Harper
CALGARY – A dose of Moderna’s COVID-19 Vaccine recently injected into the arm of former Prime Minister Stephen Harper says it is expecting serious side-effects. “From the moment…
Albertans pleasantly surprised that only 17 of their representatives admit to wanting them dead
EDMONTON – After 17 members of Jason Kenney’s government signed a letter opposing his latest lockdown, Albertans were relieved to discover that the number of MLAs who would explicitly sacrifice t…
“Why did Meghan murder Prince Philip?” ask British tabloids
LONDON – In the wake of The Duke of Edinburgh’s untimely death at the far too young age of 99, British tabloids are wondering how and why his granddaughter-in-law Meghan Markle murdered him…
Queen’s cousin dies
WINDSOR, UK – Representatives of the British Monarchy have confirmed the sad news that the long-ailing cousin of the Queen, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, has died. Prince Philip’s familial re…
Netflix adds ‘movies set in New York but it’s obviously Toronto’ category
TORONTO – Netflix is adding a new category of films viewers can scroll through before just choosing to re-watch The Crown: movies set in New York that are obviously Toronto. “We’…
Jason Kenney insists dinosaurs belong in government, not the classroom
EDMONTON – Premier Jason Kenney is changing the public school curriculum in Alberta to better reflect the UCP’s position that lumbering prehistoric creatures should not be the focus o…
