BRANDON, MB — A local woman has discovered that her accrued credit in sleepiness does not transfer from her couch to her bed. Cory Lachlan, 26, made the disturbing discovery when she finally deci…
Tag: Education
Shadowy interests plotting to dismantle education just going to let students use ChatGPT instead
ZÜRICH – The clandestine organization of evil billionaires who have worked for decades to undermine the world’s education systems, thus making the populace easier to control, have rec…
Report: Exhausting, unfulfilling suburban life you hate is university student’s unattainable dream
PICKERING, ON ― A scathing new report released today has found that local 52-year-old Linda Pike’s mid-life crisis is every university student’s dream problem, and that they probably won’t notice…
University class discussion forum used exclusively to ask questions already answered in class
OTTAWA, ON ― The latest analysis of a local first-year North American History course discussion forum has revealed that every one of the 173 questions posted there was already answered in class. …
Greedy, overpaid teacher takes second greedy, overpaid job at grocery store
No Frills, Ontario – Wealth-hoarding public school teachers across the province are starting to take second jobs after complaining that the hundreds of dollars they make per year isn’t enou…
Teacher struggling to indoctrinate child who never pays attention
REGINA, SK – Local school teacher Max Hammond is concerned that if one of his students doesn’t start focusing more in class, they will miss out on being forcibly led to adopt a more left-wi…
Conservative education ministers tackle urgent problem of children feeling too safe at school
REGINA – Several conservative provincial governments have enacted or are planning to enact policies that require parental consent for children to change their names and pronouns in school a…
University’s 2-Factor authentication stymies hacker trying to do other people’s homework
CALEDON, ON ― A local hacker’s nefarious plot to maliciously log into a first-year student’s account and do their algebra was frustrated this week, thanks to the foresight of administrators who r…
Incoming first year students excited to pretend Carleton University was their first choice
OTTAWA – As graduating high school seniors across the country look forward to starting post-secondary education, students from the Carleton University class of 2027 are excited to begin the…
“I’ll probably be shot before I graduate” replaces “my dog ate it” as #1 American homework excuse
WASHINGTON, DC ― According to reports from teachers in dozens of states, the classic excuse “my dog ate it” has been displaced in favour of citing the futility of studying for a life that will be…
