TORONTO – With a lockdown looming Monday Torontonians have flooded malls and non-essential retail shops in order to stock up on needed COVID exposure. “I know grocery stores, pharmaci…
Tag: Doug Ford
Doug Ford insists he will not hesitate to shut things down if he hears of any bad COVID news
TORONTO – Doug Ford has remained steadfast in his claim that if there is a single sign of trouble in regards to COVID, he will shut everything down. “Oh, you don’t want to know how willing …
Ontario government confirms public health experts were on mute this whole time
TORONTO – The Ontario PC government is claiming they didn’t follow the advice of public health experts because they were on mute this entire time. Ontario Health Minister Christine Elliott …
Ford announces new threshold for increasing COVID restrictions will be 1 case more than whatever we currently have
TORONTO – Under fire for changing COVID standards to unsafe levels, Premier Doug Ford has announced a new threshold for when his government will finally impose greater restrictions: exactly…
Doug Ford vows to find budget cut that will stop COVID
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced on Monday that he will stem the rising number of COVID cases by implementing a strategy that has always worked for his administration in the pa…
Ford: “When I blamed young people for spreading COVID, I didn’t mean my MPPs”
TORONTO – In response to photos of Ontario’s youngest MPP, Sam Oosterhoff, posing indoors in a tightly gathered group of roughly 40 unmasked people, premier Doug Ford explained that althoug…
Premier Ford grants university status to “The End is Nigh” sign guy
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has granted university status to a local rambling proselytizer known for his public outspokenness. The University of Repent Sinners or Burn in Hell will …
Man slipping razor blades into Halloween candy feeling pretty lost this year
TORONTO – Local sicko Hugh Savarian, who’s been carefully sliding razor blades into candy for trick or treaters for the past 37 years of his life, has reported feelings of aimlessness…
Premier Ford still not convinced flames shooting from neighbour’s house is sufficient evidence to call fire department
TORONTO – Despite heavy smoke and his neighbour screaming “my house is on fire,” Ontario Premier Doug Ford is not ready to call in the fire department. With flames shooting out of the attic…
“I don’t like him, but I gotta say Ford has risen to the occasion” says man to his dead grandmother
TORONTO – While he did not vote for Doug Ford, local man Daniel Waite has confided that he is pretty impressed with his handling of the COVID crisis to the body of his dead grandmother, who…
