WASHINGTON – The two remaining frontrunners in the Democratic primary may have very different platforms and policies, but they can agree on at least one thing: if they were to contract coro…
Tag: Donald Trump
Kremlin still can’t remember trigger word to activate Bernie Sanders
MOSCOW – A source inside the Kremlin has confirmed that the handlers of deep cover operative Bernie Sanders have lost the password needed to activate the commands placed in his subconscious…
Roger Stone sentenced to wait several days for presidential pardon
WASHINGTON, DC – After being found guilty of seven counts of lying to Congress, obstruction and witness tampering, Trump adviser Roger Stone has been sentenced to prison for up to several d…
Senate enters swimsuit competition portion of Trump impeachment trial
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the legal submissions of both the Democrats and Republicans as to whether President Trump should be removed from office, the impeachment trial is now set to move on to…
Trump terrified to learn GI Joe action figures he talks to actual generals
WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump has expressed abject horror on discovering that the small GI Joe figures he plays with are actually high-ranking U.S. officials with the authority to imple…
Trump crosses ‘start WWIII’ off his New Year’s Resolutions list
WASHINGTON D.C. – Right after ordering the assassination of Iran’s General Suleimani a satisfied Donald Trump sat back and took a pleasant moment to cross off ‘start WWIII’ from his 2020 Ne…
House votes to give Senate a good laugh
WASHINGTON — In a move widely believed to be inspired by the good-natured cheer of the holiday season, the House of Representatives voted yesterday to give the Senate a good ol’ chuckle by …
Greta Thunberg named Person of the Year in magazine no one from her generation reads
NEW YORK – This week, 16-year-old climate change activist Greta Thunberg graced the cover of TIME Magazine, as 2019’s ‘Person of the Year,’ to the shock of Baby Boomers everywhere. Recent r…
Leaked video confirms Trudeau’s status as the Regina George of NATO
LONDON – A leaked video in which Justin Trudeau is seen mocking President Donald Trump has confirmed the long suspected rumour that Trudeau is queen bee of NATO’s infamous Mean (heads…
Roger Stone concerned he has not yet been rescued from jailhouse by escape zeppelin
WASHINGTON D.C. — Trump political operative Roger Stone, after having been found guilty on seven counts, is reportedly quite anxious that his previously-arranged escape zeppelin has yet to …
