Hollywood, CA — In a move that is equal parts morally, factually, and grammatically incorrect, People Magazine has named former president John F. Kennedy the “Sexiest Man Dead” of 2023. “After 3…
Tag: dead
North Korean officials claim Kim Jong-un not dead, just messy bitch who loves drama
Pyongyang, North Korea – Kim Jong-un’s disappearance from the public eye has raised eyebrows about the North Korean leader’s health, even going so far as to assume he is dead. However…
Study: An increasing number of men playing dead to avoid “What are we” conversation
TORONTO – In a survey of the nation’s still single male population, a new study published today states that more men are opting to play dead than participate in a meaningful discussion on t…
Scientist who claimed universe is simulation found dead in swimming pool with no ladder
PLEASANTVIEW, AB – Tragedy hit a small residential neighbourhood today when the body of one of its residents was found having seemingly drowned in a swimming pool after being unable to find…
Hugh Hefner’s ashes interred within shoebox at back of your dad’s sock drawer
LOS ANGELES – With the passing of Hugh Hefner this week, the estate announced today that the final earthly remains of the Playboy founder and cultural icon will be cremated and then interre…
If only Jerry Lewis had died 20 years ago we’d have a lot of good things to say about him
By: Henry Clarkson This morning we learned of the death of legendary comedian Jerry Lewis and I think I speak for the entire world when I say that if this was 1997, I would have been really bumme…
2016’s dead music icons form unlistenable supergroup in Heaven
HEAVEN – Boasting a lineup that includes some of the greatest talent of the 20th and 21st centuries, the deceased music icons of 2016 debuted a new supergroup in the afterlife this week wit…
Aleppo residents just feel super bad your favourite celebrities died in 2016
ALEPPO, SYRIA – Residents of the war-torn city of Aleppo in Syria, who have this past year become the victims of further atrocities in the form of random civilian executions, are strongly e…