TORONTO – Local influencer Meghan Freling made a pandemic anniversary post earlier this week on her popular instagram account, prompting friends and followers to ask whether it’s a bit late…
Tag: COVID
Drug dealer shockingly bad at getting people drugs
TORONTO – With Ontario in the midst of a third wave of the COVID Pandemic, Ontario Premier and former hash dealer Doug Ford has proven to be absolutely terrible at getting residents the pha…
“See, we do let gay men donate blood,” says Canadian Blood Services after quarantine forces thousands to be celibate for a year
OTTAWA – Health Canada and Canadian Blood Services bragged this morning that their controversial ban on accepting blood donations from men who have sex with men (MSM) “is basically no…
Re-opening escape room owners find dozens of trapped corpses
WINNIPEG – As escape rooms around Canada get back to business, owners are discovering the emaciated corpses of players who couldn’t solve their puzzles when they were forced to close. “It looks …
Doug Ford reassures Ontarians that vaccines sitting in freezers will be sold at enormous profit
TORONTO – Under pressure for keeping thousands of doses of vaccines in storage rather than administer them, Premier Ford reassured Ontarians this morning that these vaccines will be sold to…
Ford unwilling to administer vaccines because he has named each one, grown attached
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is unwillingly to administer all the vaccines the federal government has acquired and supplied to Ontario because he has named each one and grown attache…
Ford promises Oosterhoff controversy will not distract government from the vital work of bungling vaccine distribution
TORONTO – After Tory MPP and Parliamentary Secretary Sam Oosterhoff gave a speech to a controversial anti-abortion group that recently compared a woman’s right to choose to the Holoca…
79-year old with fake ID trying to keep it cool in vaccination line
Barrie, ON – Local septuagenarian Elise Reede is reportedly trying to avoid drawing attention to her forged ID that says she’s 80 years old while she waits to receive a COVID vaccination. “…
Local man scrambles to find last-minute gift for one year COVID anniversary
CALGARY – A local man who has somehow miraculously forgotten that he’s been locked inside for a year is scrambling to put together a gift for his one year COVID anniversary. “I just don’t know ho…
Local introvert regrets making that wish on Monkey’s Paw last year
KITCHENER-WATERLOO – Herb White, a self-avowed introvert, expressed deep regret about the wish he made last year upon finding a monkey’s paw by the side of the road. “Since last year, a gl…
