TORONTO – Months after being rescued from a stranded cruise by the Canadian government, snowbirds Adriel and Harold Glatterbee are looking to be plucked from the deadly grip of the coronavi…
Tag: covid-19
“For Christmas this year I just want you to stay safe,” says mom who wants PlayStation 5
RED DEER – Sarah Jessup urged her three adult children to just hunker down and stay safe this Christmas, while also hoping someone would go out and get her a PlayStation 5 anyway. “The greatest g…
Brian Pallister eagerly awaits Amazon order for pandemic response plan
WINNIPEG — Amid peak covid cases, declining approval ratings and holiday cancellations, Premier Brian Pallister has ordered a pandemic response plan using Amazon Prime. Sources close to the premi…
Federal government to get a second job to cover deficit
OTTAWA – The federal Liberal government announced it will be getting a second job to cover the $381 billion deficit projected in yesterday’s fall economic update. Vowing that no Canadian wi…
Alberta’s tough new COVID measures force indoor coughing competitions to end by 10:00 pm
EDMONTON – In response to rising COVID-19 case numbers, Alberta Minister of Health Tyler Shandro announced stringent new regulations on the province’s popular coughing competitions. “Albertans as…
In return for $4 million from Alberta, NHL players staff busy ICUs
EDMONTON – The $4 million given to the NHL from the province of Alberta will be put to good use now that they’ve drafted NHL players as doctors, nurses, and other medical technicians. “We a…
Midwives offer contactless deliveries
SASKATOON – Amid growing COVID numbers and increased hospital regulations, midwives across the country have begun to offer contactless deliveries to ease the minds of new parents. In a pres…
Aunt Ruth to finally take COVID seriously now that she knows dogs can catch it
NIAGARA – Reports from within your family indicate a huge burden was lifted today, as sources indicate that Aunt Ruth finally plans to take COVID seriously solely for the wellness of her th…
Premier Ford locks down Ontario to fight spread of Auditor General’s pandemic report
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford and his team of cabinet ministers have ordered a complete shutdown of Ontario to combat the spread of the Ontario Auditor General’s report on the government’s re…
Alberta Premier now aware of a relatively unknown disease called “coronavirus”
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has now become aware of a condition known as “coronavirus.” “I would like to bring to everyone’s attention of a new disease that I have become aware …