BRANDON, MB – Worried about immigration from ‘The Middle East’, local man Todd Morton fears Canadian culture may be destroyed by people from a part of the world that invented pretty much ev…
Tag: Christian
Tattoo parlour employees lose track of which decorations are ironic
TORONTO – Employees at area tattoo parlour Jan Van Inyck have lost track of which decorations in the store have significant meaning and which are only ironic. “I’m guessing that…
Ted Cruz raptured early
INDIANAPOLIS — Following a fierce primary battle, Senator Ted Cruz was rewarded for his staunch support of anti-abortion, anti-immigrant and anti-gay policies by being lifted away from worl…
Memorial University recognizes prof’s religious right to be a dick to students with disabilities
ST. JOHN’S — Memorial University has announced that it will accommodate any professor’s religious right to be a complete ass towards students with any type of disability. “Our university ha…
Calgary bus driver will only drive straight if forced to drive rainbow pride bus
CALGARY – Calgary transit driver Jesse Rau has said that, if assigned to drive one of Calgary Transit’s rainbow Pride flag buses, he will only drive 100% straight on his route. “Being a Christian…
Scientists at University of the Lord discover that Jesus is Lord
BARN GLORY, ON – A surprising new study from University of the Lord has revealed that Jesus Christ, and not anybody else, is Lord. “We started from the premise that somebody had to be Lord,…
Saguenay city council retaliates against SC ruling by spiking water supply with Holy Water
SAGUENAY – The secular community was up in arms Wednesday after discovering the council had passed a motion to mix Holy Water with the city’s main water supply to ‘bless the heathens living in si…
United Church scales back inclusiveness by adding in height requirement
TORONTO – In a controversial move, the United Church has implemented a minimum height requirement for all members. “It’s just too easy to get into this Church these days,” Rev. Lawrence Pat…
Christians celebrate sacred resurrection of church attendance
PORT COLBORNE, ON – Millions of Christians across the world from all sects are celebrating the miraculous resurrection of church attendance today. Pews were packed with the reluctant faithf…
Progressive Pope gives up celibacy for Lent
HOLY SEE – Continuing the trend of his liberal reign as Catholicism’s spiritual leader, Pope Francis I has announced that he will be giving up celibacy for Lent this year. As modern traditi…