Parrot removed from Montreal Biodome after learning too much English
MONTREAL – The Montreal Biodome’s Scarlet macaw will be deported to the Toronto Zoo next Friday after she only spoke English during a government inspection. The parrot – known as “Bou…
Phaneuf advances to next round of relationship despite poor last-minute play
SUMMERFIELD, PE – With his wedding to actress Elisha Cuthbert, Leafs captain Dion Phaneuf has officially advanced to the next round of his relationship despite a poor last-minute performanc…
Margaret Atwood jumps eighteen buses on motorcycle for youth literacy campaign
TORONTO – Two-time Governor General’s Award winner Margaret Atwood tempted fate yesterday with a death-defying stunt jump over more than a dozen regulation sized school buses in order to promote …
Quebec tragedy blemishes Transport Canada’s stellar 3-day train derailment-free record
OTTAWA – Transport Canada officials were disappointed that their 72-hour train wreck-free record has been shattered after a catastrophic derailment in Quebec. “I know this looks bad,” stated Mini…
Retired Vic Toews: ‘If my Swiss Chalet’s not here in 30 minutes, you stand with child pornographers’
STEINBACH, MB – Upon announcing his retirement from the House of Commons, Vic Toews has instituted a “tough on crime” crackdown of his day-to-day affairs, beginning with his local Swiss Cha…
‘Cash for gold’ commercials attract first customer
TORONTO – Local jewellery buyer Russell Oliver announced today that the TV advertisements for his gold-buying business, which have been running nonstop for the past decade, have successfull…
Venezuela harbours Snowden, asks if US knows it’s loco
CARACAS – The Venezuelan government welcomed the arrival and asylum of NSA-leaker Edward Snowden today, releasing a statement querying whether Americans are or are not aware that Venezuela …
England celebrates Murray victory by pretending he isn’t Scottish
ENGLAND – After almost eighty years without a victory at Wimbledon, England has spent the last two days celebrating Andy Murray’s win by refusing to refer to him as anything other than “Bri…
