Mother proud of son for sharing toys, vaccine-preventable disease with classmates
OAKVILLE – Nathalie Stilstuch, mother of 5 year-old Jackson, is beaming with pride knowing that her son is sharing sandbox toys and his measles with his senior kindergarten class. The gener…
Ben Mulroney cast in Justin Trudeau biopic
Producers for the upcoming Justin Trudeau biopic “Justin: our hero, our saviour, our next prime minister” have revealed that Ben Mulroney will be taking on the titular role. At a press conference…
Senator paid $298k to do no work paid friend $65k to do no work
OTTAWA – Embattled Senator Mike Duffy is in further legal trouble after RCMP reports claim he used a portion of his $298,310 expenses to do the same work as a senator. “The Senator pa…
Nova Scotia elects premier most Canadians will never hear about again
HALIFAX – Nova Scotians headed to the polls to elect a person that will never be heard from again by anyone outside of the province. The vast, uninterested masses of Canadians, will go back…
Women everywhere scramble to lock down ‘winter boyfriend’
Burnaby, BC – Anthropologists studying human female migration patterns have noticed mass movements of women toward cafes, college campuses, and libraries in pursuit of finding a mate for th…
REPORT: Still unclear if mound of rubble is part of construction work or Nuit Blanche
TORONTO – Days after the Nuit Blanche arts festival, Toronto residents are still not sure whether an especially scenic pile of rubble is part of the city’s ongoing construction work, or if …
Wine bar’s “No Dogs” sentiment extremely mutual, say dogs
WHITBY – A small crowd of local dogs gathered on leashes outside of Aule Wine Bar confirmed that the artfully stenciled sign reading “Nee Canes,” which prevents them from enjoying the estab…
Homeless man probably fine
TORONTO – After brief but careful analyses of the clothing, grooming, and language ability of an elderly homeless man who spends hours each day repeatedly walking between the Annex and Park…
Kingston mayor on Queen’s Homecoming: ‘the horror, the horror’
KINGSTON – After Queen’s University students failed to pick up tens of red plastic cups from their Homecoming festivities this weekend, Kingston mayor Mark Gerretsen’s was left utterly thun…
