Super Bowl halftime show to feature local improv troupe to warm up crowd
East Rutherford, NJ — In an effort to “bring up the energy” inside the MetLife stadium following the end of the second quarter, Super Bowl organizers have invited local improv troupe, The Chuckle…
Chinese government reports New Year’s fireworks display sounded spectacular through smog
BEIJING – Chinese government officials have reported that the country’s annual New Year’s fireworks display sounded spectacular for all those who could hear the display since it…
Olympic luger can’t wait to luge the fuckin’ luge out of luge track
Canadian Olympic Luger Mitchel Malyk announced today that he was “totally luged-up” to perform in the one-man luge at the upcoming 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics. “Honestly, I’ve been luging my whole…
Fabio announces plans to not stand shirtless on a mountaintop
MILAN – In a startling career move, the Italian model, spokesman and actor Fabio Lanzoni announced earlier today that his next project would be to not stand topless on the peak of a mountai…
Liberal senators released from caucus so they can more effectively not do anything
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s removal of all Liberal senators from his caucus yesterday has officially freed the senators up to fully commit to their responsibilities of not really doing anythi…
Kidnapping at preschool leaves 17 kids well rested
TORONTO – A kidnapping at a local preschool has led to an entire class of kids being fresh and ready to concentrate on new play-based learning curriculum. Citing parental complaints, the governme…
Local construction project awakens community’s environmental activism, dormant alien race
STRATHMORE, AB – The second phase of the construction of a massive golf course in Strathmore, Alberta has struck a chord with environmentally conscious members of the suburb, as well as with the …
Fantino thanks veterans for bravely sacrificing services so Canadians can have a free and balanced budget
OTTAWA – Veterans Affairs Minister Julian Fantino made a public apology to veterans for showing up late to an important meeting, and also took the opportunity to thank them for their sacrif…
I just want to share the game I love, and be treated like a living god in the process
BY DENNIS RODMAN You know I’ve taken a lot of heat during my career. Whether it’s for the dyed hair and the piercings, headbutting opponents, refusing to leave the court after being e…
Putin hires Cossacks to protect Sochi from terrorists, Prussians
Sochi, Russia – Following a number of high profile security threats, Russian President Vladimir Putin has retained the services of hundreds of Cossacks, once the fabled horse-backed soldier…
