Ford unsure how to fight back against country with already ruined healthcare system
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is reportedly starting to feel he may have bitten off more than he can chew in his attacks on the United States after realizing they are immun…
Bulk Barn announces that all snackers will be shot on sight
AURORA — In a bold move that many are calling excessive and illegal, Bulk Barn has announced a new nationwide policy that all customers caught snacking in-store will be shot on sight. The announ…
Well-travelled man can now reject digital cookies in over a dozen languages
THESSALONIKI, GREECE ― Following a short jet-lagged nap, 34-year-old stock broker Rowan Goulding of Oshawa effectuated a Google search for “best restaurants near me.” Within moments, he was force…
Trudeau announces counter tariffs on any Trump businesses that haven’t already gone bankrupt
OTTAWA – Following America’s unprecedented levying of 25% tariffs on all Canadian products, Prime Minister Trudeau announced that Canada will apply retaliatory tariffs to specific US …
Alberta proves private healthcare is more efficient at generating scandals
EDMONTON – Alberta’s experiment with private healthcare delivery is already paying off, as the system is generating scandals at a rate unheard of by the province’s public-facing healthcare system…
Putin emails Trump “tell me 5 things you did for me last week”
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following a contentious meeting where US President Donald Trump failed to convince Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to sign a deal giving America access to Ukraine mineral…
Zelensky pretty sure disgraceful meeting could have been disgraceful email
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following an explosive White House meeting that saw President Trump berate the visiting Ukrainian president and push Russian talking points, Zelenskyy opined that the enti…
Ontario voters excited to learn definition of insanity
TORONTO – In a province desperate for improvement on vital issues from housing to healthcare, voters who just made the logical choice to re-elect the same Premier they’ve had for the last 7…
Ontario Election: Plurality of a Minority gives Ford a Majority
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford won a commanding majority government this week when his Progressive Conservative party got almost half of the votes cast by the almost half of the ele…
Doug Ford celebrates majority win by demolishing closest hospital
ETOBICOKE, ON — After his Conservative party was officially re-elected with a majority vote this evening, Doug Ford celebrated his win by immediately hopping in his car, tearing down University A…
