Three guys who return foundling baby ruin hilarious premise
EDMONTON – The potential for gut-busting comedy and madcap antics has been extinguished after three unlikely bachelors, Joe, Moe and Perot, promptly returned a baby that unexpectedly arrived on t…
Nation’s left-alone dogs floored by latest episode of Murdoch Mysteries
NATIONWIDE – After a hair-raising episode that placed Murdoch, Ogden, and the whole gang in personal danger, the nation’s dogs that have been left alone with the TV on so that they don’t ge…
Postmedia journalist reporting on newspaper lay-offs fired
TORONTO — Postmedia announced today it would be laying off several employees, including the reporter they assigned to cover the layoffs. Wesley Brais, who was known for such headlines as “S…
Marc Garneau challenges Chris Hadfield to race to the Moon
TORONTO – In an announcement which has stunned the scientific community, Minister of Transport and retired astronaut Marc Garneau has challenged former commander of the International Space Statio…
Thomas Mulcair emerges from burrow, sees shadow; six more disappointing NDP elections expected
OTTAWA — The New Democratic Party was dealt a heavy blow yesterday when Thomas Mulcair, former Leader of the Official Opposition, crawled out of his burrow on Parliament Hill, saw his shado…
BREAKING: Media reports 3 suspicious men taking pictures of Niagara Falls
NIAGARA FALLS — Dozens of media outlets are reporting on three suspicious men captured on surveillance footage taking pictures and video of one of Canada’s least popular landmarks, Niagara …
Quantum computer able to access pornography from different universes
WATERLOO, ON – Researchers at the University of Waterloo have created a quantum computer that is able to access the internet and download pornography from parallel universes. Basic quantum …
New York Times “this close” to working up the courage to marry Canada
NEW YORK – After years of gushing travel articles and love letters disguised as op-ed pieces, New York Times editor Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Jr. assured shareholders this week that America’s 164 y…
Shitfaced employee has no idea who put water in the vodka bottles
TORONTO — A sloshed LCBO employee is denying he had any responsibility on who replaced vodka with water in several 1.3 liters bottles of Smirnoff Vodka. “I had…had not one thing to do…
Whitehorse touts cleanest landfill made up of 15% recyclable glass
WHITEHORSE — Yukon’s capital is claiming it has the cleanest landfill in Canada after recently discovering that glass is not being accepted for recycling and is being sent to the local dump…
