Alberta full of measles, and after the Calgary Stampede, also chlamydia

CALGARY, AB – A raucous weekend at the Calgary Stampede has left local hospitals, already dealing with a rash of measles cases, further scrambling to deal with an influx of residents and to…

RCMP apprehend Quebec terrorists after discovering manifesto written only in English

QUEBEC CITY, QC – Four men involved in an far right terror plot were arrested this week by RCMP, not for plotting terrorism, but for releasing a written manifesto that was not properly tran…

‘Calgary Stab-pede’ merch already sold out

CALGARY – Following a shocking spate of non-fatal stabbings at this year’s Calgary Stampede, reports are that the even has already sold out of hastily-commissioned “Calgary Stab…

Breaking: can we get an article posted on Trump’s latest tariff threat before he backs down yet again?

Editor: Ok unnamed writer. Trump just ‘Truthed’ that he was going to do a 35% tariff on all products sent into the U.S. from Canada. And I know the last 15 times he did this we scrambled to write…

Poilievre worried there won’t be enough government left for him to cut

“Save some for me Mark!” Luke and the Panel (Nile Séguin and Clare Blackwood) break down Mark Carney enacting spending cuts that even Harper wouldn’t dream of, and then dive int…

Meet the new CEO of X: this ouija board that speaks directly to Hitler’s ghost

TEXAS – Following Linda Yaccarino’s departure as CEO of X this morning, Elon Musk wasted no time holding a press conference to announce her successor: a ouija board with a direct supe…

Fake boomer on Facebook nearly fooled by fake photo of fake baby

News Feed, Facebook – Susan Miller, an avid AI-generated Facebook user added by Meta to socialize with people and mine their data, realized a baby photo she was looking at was actually just…

Carney confident government can meet spending cut goals as long as they make life a little worse for every Canadian

OTTAWA – Mark Carney has unveiled an “ambitious” plan to cut government spending by 7.5% next year, and 15% by 2029, figures he truly believes his government can manage as long …

Man fights male loneliness epidemic with mandatory Microsoft Teams meetings

CHARLOTTETOWN – Insurance manager Percy Gotell says he’s found a cure to the male loneliness epidemic. The social phenomenon was named when mental health experts noticed rising levels of lo…

Report: Girlfriend watching movie wrong

GUELPH, ON – In a disturbing development that has led one man to seriously reconsider whether these are the genetics he wants to pass on to his future children, local woman Sarah Russell ha…