Experts fear Trump administration will corrupt beacon of integrity Doug Ford
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontario Premier Doug Ford currently visiting White House officials, some analysts are concerned US President Donald Trump might try to corrupt the earnest. “Up here i…
Mark Carney promises to grow every Canadians’ Optimum points
OTTAWA – Liberal Leader candidate Mark Carney vows to improve the PC Optimum points situation for every Canadian. Speaking to a group of financial experts at the International Banking Feder…
Tim Hortons to release names of everyone who failed Roll Up the Rim skill testing question
Toronto, ON – Coffee lovers, rejoice! Roll Up the Rim to Win is back… with a twist. This year, Tim Hortons will publicly shame all customers who incorrectly answer the skill-testing question on t…
Trump replaces plane crashes with stock market crash
WASHINGTON D.C. – Faced with a growing number of airplane crashes caused in part by aggressive cuts to FAA staffing, President Donald Trump has solved the problem by pivoting his focus towa…
Pierre Poilievre blows dust off old “he didn’t come back for you” attack ad DVD
OTTAWA – With US-educated former Bank of England Governor Mark Carney emerging as winner of the Liberal leadership race, Pierre Poilievre was caught blowing the dust off the old Michael Ign…
Trudeau asks MPs to sign yearbook
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau, Canada’s now exited prime minister, has reportedly been seen asking members of parliament to sign his yearbook. “It was kinda awkward,” began Hon. Chrystia Fr…
Newly-elected Mark Carney removes disguise to reveal maniacal, laughing Trudeau
OTTAWA – After winning the Liberal Party leadership race in a blowout victory, Prime Minister Designate Mark Carney removed his lifelike rubber mask to reveal that he had been current Prime…
Tragedy over Florida: Elon Musk not on exploding rocket
ORLANDO, FL – In the wake of the recent mid-air explosion of a SpaceX rocket, thousands mourn as the company confirms that the CEO, Elon Musk, was not aboard the ship. Following what a SpaceX rep…
Local snowboarder who keeps lift tags on jacket can’t stop getting laid
COLLINGWOOD, ON – Move over, Shaun White. There’s a new snowboarder in town: one who doesn’t need to wow people with sick tricks or Olympic medals, because he’s got twelve lift tags on his black …
Trump unable to keep tariffs up, blames alcohol
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following a robust initial showing, US President Donald J. Trump has announced to Canadians that he is unable to keep his strong tariffs going, in part “due to Ameri…
