Bandwagon fan proudly brings Jays gear to Raptors game
TORONTO – Local man Joseph Dorn, who regularly and loudly proclaims that he “lives and bleeds Toronto sports” has accidentally worn his Jose Bautista jersey and several other baseball-relat…
Margaret Wente now required to submit columns through Turnitin.com
TORONTO – Faced with new allegations of plagiarism, Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente will now be required to submit all of her work to the student essay checking service Turnitin.com…
Cruz, Kasich announce joint plan to go back in time to stop Donald Trump from being born
WASHINGTON, D.C. — GOP Presidential Candidates Ted (“Teddy”) Cruz and John (“Johnny”) Kasich have announced that they will put aside their differences in order to travel back in time and st…
Sum 41 blames anti-transgender law for cancelling poorly selling North Carolina show
CHARLOTTE – Pop-punk band Sum 41 joined the likes of Bruce Springsteen and Jimmy Buffett when they cancelled their upcoming Charlotte concert, a move they insisted had to do with the state …
Authorities deem mother unfit for letting her children live in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG — Further to an upward trend of activity by Child Protective Services (CPS), the CPS launched an investigation into the conduct of a mother of two who has been allowing her childr…
Baffled scientists to study why Whitehorse Kijiji prices higher than retail
WHITEHORSE — World leading scientists, mathematicians, and economists are flocking to Whitehorse to study one of the greatest scientific riddles: why used items being on Kijiji are substant…
Local mom investigated for allowing 38-year-old son to move out, get a job
Toronto – After her 38 year-old son Ben Johnson moved out and got a job at Starbucks, Child Protective Services decided to investigate his mother, Deborah, for possible child neglect and abandonm…
Local child wants to push button
This afternoon, witnesses report a woman walking with a 5-year-old girl who loudly proclaimed her desire to push the button at the crosswalk. “She was really pushy,” said James P. Garland, a loca…
After 90 years, Queen Elizabeth II still refuses to fight me
BY DOUG QUAID With her birthday today, Queen Elizabeth II is celebrating 90 years of life, and with it, 90 years of refusing to meet with me in fair combat. Since ascending to the throne at the t…
Recently acquitted Mike Duffy claims courthouse as second residence
OTTAWA — Exonerated Senator Mike Duffy has been claiming travel expenses from the Senate by indicating that his second residence was located inside Ottawa’s Elgin street courthouse during h…
