BREAKING: Mark Zuckerberg discovered dead in midst of squirrel orgy and you know this is from a real news source since it’s being blocked on Meta
MENLO PARK – The Beaverton has just confirmed that the body of billionaire Mark Zuckerberg has just been discovered in a pile of thousands of writhing, mating squirrels. The chairman and CE…
Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis
As Canadians face skyrocketing mortgages and rent, leaving many without a place to live altogether, the federal Liberals have insisted there is nothing more that they can do. We asked a few promi…
Where are they now? The “Yodeling Kid” from Walmart Is inside your house!
YOUR HOUSE – With the internet creating so many more celebrities these days, it’s amazing where some of them can end up! The dancing Star Wars kid is an attorney in Massachusetts, many vine…
Study: Being hated by Piers Morgan, Jordan Peterson et al. most likeable thing about Justin Trudeau
OTTAWA – A new study has found that for many Canadian voters, the biggest reason they would consider supporting Justin Trudeau in the next election is how mad he makes extremely online righ…
Blue Jays pair ‘Jr. Jays Sundays’ with ‘Dour Childless Mondays’
TORONTO – To supplement the Toronto Blue Jays’ family-oriented Sunday afternoon games, the organisation has announced that Monday night games will now be marketed at depressed, childless singles …
Chill as fuck medicine okay to consume with alcohol
Beaconsfield, QC – A generic store brand prescription medication, Padrazole, is making waves at a local house party after college rugby player, Luke Auden found out the stomach ulcer treati…
Alberta halts approval for all clean energy projects until they can be made dirtier
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has announced a moratorium on all pending renewable energy projects in Alberta until these projects can prove they will be just as detrimental to t…
Taylor Swift confirms Toronto is Canada’s Only City
TORONTO – Yesterday Taylor Swift announced plans to bring her Eras Tour to Canada with a 6 night run in the country’s only city. “I’m so excited to bring my show to THE ci…
White kid’s name spelled normally
OAKVILLE – Residents are expressing concern, as it was discovered today that a local white child’s name leverages a traditional spelling. Private and public citizens alike were aghast when …
Following announcement, Trudeau requests no questions regarding his separation or housing or inflation
OTTAWA – Following the surprise public announcement that he and wife Sophie Gregoire Trudeau will be separating, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has requested the media refrain from asking an…
