“Parents’ Rights” protestors describe what they think is being taught in schools
As Conservative parents continue to accuse public schools and teachers of “sexualizing kids”, “grooming kids”, “transing kids” and doing other verbs to kids, w…
Liberals support gender affirming surgery provided trans people can find a doctor
OTTAWA – After the Conservative Party Convention passed resolutions seeking to limit transgender healthcare, the Liberal Party proudly restated their support for gender affirming surgery so…
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention
Another NHL season is almost upon us, but if you can’t wait to see your team play – or if you’re desperate for money – the preseason can give you your fix. Some people say preseason hockey is bor…
Struggling Canadian Military recruits Neighbour Kid with Supersoaker
OTTAWA – The federal government announced plans this week to upgrade their dated military by hiring the most powerful weapon they can think of: an eight-year-old with a water gun. “For years, our…
Scott Moe: If Saskatchewan children wanted rights, they should’ve voted for someone else
REGINA – As part of his larger effort to teach all children (but especially trans children) that his government does not consider them human, Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has promised to …
Single-serve coffee maker produces exactly the right amount for ⅙ of a person
LONDON, ON ― 22-year-old Dorian Bishop, a fourth-year medical student at Western University, reports that the single-serve coffee maker he recently purchased is falling far short of expectations.…
Opinion: Why do we need a cure for diabetes when I don’t have it?
Brandon, Manitoba – Millions of Canadians live with diabetes, and the Government of Canada has spent billions on diabetes research and treatment. But here’s what I don’t understand: Why do we nee…
Moderna promises new vaccine will increase the likelihood of pointless debate
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Pharmaceutical company Moderna has released a statement guaranteeing their new COVID vaccine will both decrease people’s chances of contracting the virus while boosting the …
Local pizzeria updates website from 1997 to website from 2005
CALGARY – Sources report that the Royal Pizzeria in Northwest Calgary has redesigned its website to only be 18 years behind modern design trends instead of a full 26 years out of date. “Wow, that…
Writers Guild members celebrate deal by coming up with excuses to do writing later
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a months-long strike that saw the Writers Guild of America negotiating with Hollywood producers for fair wages and protections against AI writing programs, members…
