Poilievre asks pretty please if he can take credit for cutting 600 CBC jobs

OTTAWA – In the wake of news that CBC/Radio-Canada will lay off 600 employees nationwide, Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre has inquired if he can publicly announce that it was his idea an…

Editorial: Women must date unpleasant men, and we’re not just saying that because we’re unpleasant men

By The Beaverton Editorial Board A spectre is haunting dating – the spectre of women not dating men like us. Dating and marriage used to be simple. A man chose a woman, her father approved,…

Boy realises the magic really was in that amulet and not inside him in the slightest

COMOX, B.C. — Local adolescent Graham Holley’s adventure in a parallel world came to a disappointing conclusion thanks to his foolish belief that there was magic in his own heart, and not in the …

New Wrapped feature shows users the top five places Spotify sells your data

STOCKHOLM – Music fans just can’t get enough of this year’s Spotify Wrapped, which shows their top five songs, top five artists, and – new this year – the top five places Spotify is selling their…

Email from grandpa just a list of 29 baseball players

Huntsville, ON – A local grandson is struggling to respond to an email from his grandfather, which consists of nothing but the names of 29 current and former Major League Baseball players.  José …

Awesome: Your city just opened up a funky new food court where every meal costs 40 dollars

YOUR CITY – Great news! The city with skyrocketing rent prices, barely functional public transportation, and overcrowded hospitals just opened up a funky new upstairs food court with low li…

Danielle Smith unveils Sovereignty Act Precogs able to tell when federal laws are unconstitutional before they pass

EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith responded to criticism over her use of the Sovereignty Act to try to disqualify federal clean energy regulations that aren’t in place yet by …

5 Canadians in the NFL who might get to touch the football this year if they’re really good boys

Another NFL season is in full swing, and from handing players water bottles to losing rent money on ill-advised bets, Canadians are making an impact on the game. But did you know that some Canadi…

Worst job in every province

Due to capitalism and the fact that we weren’t all born into the Weston family, Canadians work lots of jobs. Here are the worst ones in each province. Newfoundland: The cod everyone kisses …

Poilievre stops making false claims about terrorism after concerned family member locks Fox News channel

OTTAWA – Following an embarrassing incident in the House of Commons in which a confused Pierre Poilievre began ranting about a terrorist attack in relation to a deadly vehicular accident in…