Low-grade depression is summer’s hottest accessory
NEW YORK- Style forecasters and trendsetters alike are thrilled to announce low grade depression is the trend of the summer. Hot off cubicles of that 9-to-5 desk job that you took just for the wi…
Trudeau writes ‘Alberta’ on hand so he doesn’t forget province in next speech
OTTAWA – After forgetting to mention the province while listing all of the others in his Canada 150 address to the nation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has jotted down ‘Alberta’ on his lef…
Ghost of John A. Macdonald taps broken keg in Canada Day weekend miracle
Georgian Bay, ON – After a poorly thrown football knocked their only keg onto some rocks, guests at the rented Georgian Bay party cottage were shocked by both the sudden appearance of John …
Portraits of Canadiocity: Peter Mansbridge
Canada’s most famous Peter?…
Fire truck in Canada Day parade desperately trying to get to actual fire
WAINFLEET, ON – A small town’s only fire truck was trapped in a local Canada Day Parade as it attempted to respond to a fire that was sparked at a nearby business. Volunteer firefighters go…
Canada celebrates 150 years since finding totally uninhabited piece of land on which to build country
CANADA – Calling it a “stroke of great luck” and “just about the most you can hope for”, Canadians everywhere are celebrating the good fortune of their ancestors, who found 10 million squar…
Canadian journalist held captive overseas by chatty friend from college
TEHRAN, IRAN – Officials have confirmed that the journalist being held hostage in a leaked Instagram video is Ottawa resident Emilia Allens. “It’s a very tense situation: Ms. Allens a…
Nation’s Millennials celebrate four days of time-and-a-half pay
CANADA- The nation’s underemployed Millennials have reason to be excited as this July 1st weekend marks the ancient four-day celebration of time-and-a-half pay, thus allowing them to finally earn…
As a giant rubber duck, I demand to know why I am here
Canada’s sesquicentennial is a joyous event, I gather. And so far, I have seen some of your waterfront and had my picture taken with many of your citizens, many of whom seem to be happy at the si…
Study: tea bag string dropping into hot water God’s way of saying “Fuck you, Darryl”
PARIS — Researchers from France have confirmed that when your tea bag string falls into a hot cup of water, little paper tab and all, it is God’s very personal way of saying “Yeah guess wha…
