Local man totally forgets about Ontario election
TORONTO – Despite election day being only a few days away, local man Steven Del Duca says he hasn’t really given it much thought. “Oh right there’s an election happening s…
New Jurassic Park movie will finally show the dinosaurs having sex
Isla Nublar – After two novels and five movies in the series, Universal Pictures has announced that the upcoming film, Jurassic World Dominion will finally show what audiences have been wai…
City of Nanaimo desperate to be known by something other than bar
NANAIMO, BC — The City of Nanaimo admitted today that despite being the place where its near 100,000 residents call their home, live their lives, and dream their dreams, those accomplishments pal…
Canadian Ridesharers turn to Grass, Ass in wake of gas price hikes
GUELPH, ON – The latest Census Canada polling numbers show the majority of Canadian ridesharers are turning to more traditional payment methods like grass and ass in response to the recent …
Doug Ford to self-quarantine following exposure to journalist question
QUEEN’S PARK – Doug Ford’s office says the premier will suspend his campaign activities to self-isolate at home following accidental exposure to a journalist’s question. “The scariest part …
Uvalde police promise that with more funding they will be able to wait even longer in parking lots
UVALDE, TX – Following revelations that police in Uvalde, Texas waited up to an hour in a parking lot outside Robb Elementary before attempting to stop the shooter inside, police department…
Escape room owners trapped by own business decisions
VANCOUVER – Business owners Diane Blatford and Tom Slodder are reportedly feeling trapped by their decision to open an escape room. The duo opened No Way Out in March 2020, shortly before strict …
Pearson International security lines backed up to Billy Bishop Airport
TORONTO – Officials at Pearson International Airport confirm that extensive delays have resulted in a 26.7-kilometres-long lineup for security, stretching all the way into the lobby of the …
“I don’t know anything about the other candidates” is both worst and best reason to vote for Ford
Halton Hills, ON ― Political analysts have determined that your grandfather’s rationale for voting Conservative in June of “I haven’t heard anything about this Del Duca guy” is complete bullshit,…
