GATINEAU, QC – Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole has instructed his staff to throw rocks at him at his next election event. “Jimmy, this sympathy [Trudeau] is getting in the press is not fai…
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Drunken Habs GM sends 2am offer sheets to Hurricane Ida, “Oh Carolina” by Shaggy and Tottenham’s Harry Kane
MONTREAL – Montreal Canadiens General Manager Marc Bergevin submitted three bizarre offer sheets in the wee hours of the morning to NHL head offices. He commandeered the Habs Twitter accoun…
NHL announces Canucks’ current season will still be happening at beginning of next season
VANCOUVER – The NHL has announced that, in order to get their full 56-game season in the books, the Vancouver Canucks will be continuing to play games from the 2020-2021 during the 2021-202…
Canada’s Wonderland offers $20 souvenir photos of you getting your vaccine
VAUGHAN – Canada’s Wonderland, which is closed to the public but has been operating as a drive-thru vaccination clinic since March, has announced it is now offering souvenir photos in a lit…
Hospital interior designer thinking off-white theme for this room
VANCOUVER – Hospital interior designer Shannon Kimble was struck by inspiration today and announced she’s strongly considering going with an off-white theme for patient room A03. “It just h…
Hundreds of Millennials treated for bruised egos after trying to middle-part hair
LETHBRIDGE – Doctors across Canada have been overwhelmed by a sudden surge of Millennials being treated for bruised egos and wounded pride after trying to middle-part their hair. “We’re st…
COVID-19 variants eager to represent their countries at the Tokyo Olympics
TOKYO, JAPAN ― Variants of SARS-COV-2 hailing from countries around the world are gearing up for the 2021 Summer Olympics. “Man, I hope they don’t postpone the Olympics again,” commented the Sout…
Local Woman’s Exes All On Same Tree-Planting Trip
KELOWNA, BC – 28-year old Torontonian Poncy Robins thought her tree-planting trip to BC was the perfect escape from the weariness of the second COVID lockdown, only to find upon arrival tha…
Trudeau announces construction of vaccine pipeline through Indigenous territory
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau confirmed at a press conference this week that the vaccine will be distributed to Canadians via one massive pipeline that snakes its way through every piece…
U.S. to upgrade sex-ed curriculum with screenings of Bridgerton
WASHINGTON – The United States Department of Education has announced plans to revamp the sexual education curriculum by adding clips of the newly released Regency-era period drama from Shon…