TORONTO – Sources report that on Saturday morning a Presto gate at the TTC’s Ossington station worked one time, allowing a single passenger to pay their fare and enter the subway system. “I could…
Toronto
John Tory steps up Toronto’s Amazon bid by becoming the first person to watch all of Mozart in the Jungle
TORONTO – Amidst reports that Ontario’s capital has been selected as one of the top 20 locations for Amazon’s new headquarters, mayor John Tory has proven there’s nothing he won’t do for his city…
Mid-level drug dealer announces bid for Ontario PC leadership
TORONTO – A successful mid-level hash dealer named Doug Ford has announced his leadership bid for the Ontario Progressive Conservatives. The entrepreneur made the announcement earlier today…
Loose cannon Toronto police horse abandons surveillance team, goes after perp
TORONTO – Saying “it’s now or never,” loose cannon Toronto Police Services horse constable Freckles has abandoned his surveillance team in pursuit of a mid-level drug dealer from the Barksd…
Toronto Maple Leafs celebrate world’s longest running uncorrected spelling mistake
TORONTO – Today the Toronto Maple Leafs commemorate a 100 year milestone: having a name containing a spelling mistake that has lasted without correction longer than any other spelling mista…
Man who brought TTC into the 20th century resigns
TORONTO – Addressing a crowd of reporters, Andy Byford, the man who worked tirelessly for the last five years to bring the Toronto Transit Commission into the twentieth century made public …
Professor Jordan Peterson cancels plans for harassment website after discovering Twitter already exists
TORONTO — Controversial University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson has scrapped plans for a website built to identify and harass other profs after discovering an existing website calle…
Progress: The new Toronto Police cruiser no longer comes painted with the Confederate flag
Finally. After months of public pressure, the Toronto Police have finally announced their new police cruisers will no longer come painted with the Dixieland Stars and Bars. “The public seems to f…
New ‘Screemers’ haunted house features men explaining politics to women
TORONTO – Celebrating its 25th anniversary, popular horror entertainment company Screemers is adding a new attraction to their seven classic haunts, where guests are forced to endure a seri…
Toronto Mayor John Tory smashes crack pipe to christen new Rob Ford Memorial Stadium
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory partook in a ceremony at the newly named Rob Ford Memorial Stadium this afternoon, christening the park by smashing a slightly burnt crack pipe against a concrete …
