NEW YORK CITY – Marking the start of the US Open, tens of thousands gathered outside the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center Sunday evening to witness the ceremonial janitor throwi…
Sports
Hamilton Tiger-Cats lose in practice match against training equipment
HAMILTON – The struggling Hamilton Tiger-Cats was dealt another blow after losing a practice match to their training equipment by a score of 2-0. Many believed that the Ti-Cats (0-7) would …
Ottawa Senators season ticket package to include free Leafs jersey
OTTAWA – Capitalizing on popular demand, the NHL’s Ottawa Senators announced this week that their upcoming season ticket package will include one free Toronto Maple Leafs jersey with the na…
Indigenous Games interrupted by pipeline construction
TORONTO – The North American Indigenous Games, billed as the largest sports and cultural gathering of Indigenous people on the continent, was put on hold today, as crews arrived unannounced to br…
Toronto Wolfpack cruises to 90-0 rugby victory against terrified group of children
TORONTO – Continuing the breakaway success of their debut season, the Toronto Wolfpack rugby team has won a blowout victory against a group of fleeing, terrified schoolchildren who did not …
Concussed Crosby tattoos ‘you won the 2017 Stanley Cup’ reminder on his torso
PITTSBURGH – In the early morning hours after winning his third Stanley Cup while suffering from what is at least his fifth concussion, Penguins captain Sidney Crosby was seen getting a rem…
Brampton man no longer “the Tiger Woods of impaired driving”
BRAMPTON, ON – After the arrest of golf great Tiger Woods on a DUI charge on Monday, fans and friends of the four-time Masters winner have been dealing with disappointment- but none have be…
Hipster alcoholics excited for return of softball season
TORONTO – With the start of community softball, trendy drunks are once again rejoicing at being able to get hammered in public with total immunity. “I bought new cleats and a flat of Red Stripe b…
Blue Jays players warned to not risk injury by trying any more ‘baseball stuff’
TORONTO – Team Physician Dr. Jason Smith has warned the remaining healthy players on the Toronto Blue Jays not to try any more ‘baseball stuff’, as the risk of injury is too great. “There h…
We look back at the non-call that Leafs fans can’t forget
The Beaverton Remembers: Gretzky’s high stick on Gilmour.…
