OTTAWA – The rest of the country’s evening has been made worse after a sports championship was won by a team from Toronto. Upon hearing that the Toronto Argonauts defeated the Calgary Stamp…
Sports
Grey Cup fever sweeps tens of people
OTTAWA – Reports from in and around TD Place Stadium say Grey Cup fever is sweeping almost 3 dozen people. The game between the Calgary Stampeders and the Toronto Argonauts is projected to …
Meet the world’s first hockey parent coach
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
“Italy didn’t qualify for the World Cup because you’re too skinny,” claims Nonna
WOODBRIDGE, ON – After an aggregate 1-0 loss to Sweden in the playoff stages of World Cup qualifying, one Nonna seems to have the answer to explain the nation’s first qualification failure …
Spectator clearly pretending he understands rugby rules
GUELPH, ON – Early reports indicate that rugby spectator Marco Kelley has absolutely no idea about the rules of rugby union gameplay. For roughly 20 minutes, Kelley blended in with the othe…
Emotionally unavailable boyfriend cries as sports legend retires
BROCKVILLE, ON – Reports this evening indicate that 27-year-old Dillon Carsaw, who up until now has shown little to no sign of emotional affection towards others, has spent the past two hou…
The Beaverton’s NHL preview 2017-2018
The biggest question in the 2017-2018 season is this: Will Canada snap it’s 23 year drought and finally bring Lord Stanley home? The Beaverton takes a look at each Canadian team’s chances: The Va…
Doctors concerned Sidney Crosby has sustained another concussion after he accepts invitation to Trump White House
PITTSBURGH – Sidney Crosby has accepted President Donald Trump’s invitation to visit the White House, leading neurologists to believe that the former NHL MVP has received a concussion in th…
City of Edmonton offers to pay for Flames’ new arena in exchange for naming rights to ‘Eat Shit Calgary’ Place
EDMONTON – After more than two years of failed negotiations between the city of Calgary and the Calgary Sport and Entertainment Corporation (CSEC) over funding of a new arena for the Calgary Flam…
Toronto Raptors looking to compete for title of fourth or fifth best team in NBA
TORONTO – With the upcoming NBA season rapidly approaching, there is an air of excitement in Toronto as Raptors fans see their teaming having a real shot to do the unthinkable and finally w…
