TORONTO – Team Canada has announced its men’s Olympic hockey roster which includes such notable players as What’s-His-Face, That Guy, and Him. “We have a very talented, hard-working team,” …
Sports
Toronto Maple Leafs celebrate world’s longest running uncorrected spelling mistake
TORONTO – Today the Toronto Maple Leafs commemorate a 100 year milestone: having a name containing a spelling mistake that has lasted without correction longer than any other spelling mista…
West Ontario ekes out curling win against East Southern Southwest Ontario
PORT COLBORNE, ON – Gutting out an underdog victory in an emotionally-charged nail-biter of a game, West Ontario has out-curled their arch-rivals, East Southern Southwest Ontario. “Tough ga…
Toronto continues to win championships in not hockey
TORONTO – With the TFC winning its first MLS championship at BMO Field on Saturday evening, Toronto has continued its longtime tradition of winning championships in anything other than hock…
Breaking: Rest of country’s night made worse due to winning team being from Toronto
OTTAWA – The rest of the country’s evening has been made worse after a sports championship was won by a team from Toronto. Upon hearing that the Toronto Argonauts defeated the Calgary Stamp…
Grey Cup fever sweeps tens of people
OTTAWA – Reports from in and around TD Place Stadium say Grey Cup fever is sweeping almost 3 dozen people. The game between the Calgary Stampeders and the Toronto Argonauts is projected to …
Meet the world’s first hockey parent coach
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
“Italy didn’t qualify for the World Cup because you’re too skinny,” claims Nonna
WOODBRIDGE, ON – After an aggregate 1-0 loss to Sweden in the playoff stages of World Cup qualifying, one Nonna seems to have the answer to explain the nation’s first qualification failure …
Spectator clearly pretending he understands rugby rules
GUELPH, ON – Early reports indicate that rugby spectator Marco Kelley has absolutely no idea about the rules of rugby union gameplay. For roughly 20 minutes, Kelley blended in with the othe…
Emotionally unavailable boyfriend cries as sports legend retires
BROCKVILLE, ON – Reports this evening indicate that 27-year-old Dillon Carsaw, who up until now has shown little to no sign of emotional affection towards others, has spent the past two hou…
