SALON-DE-PROVENCE, FRANCE – An international team of archaeologists has discovered a shocking Nostradamus prophecy that seems to have foretold the events of 7-11, nearly half a millennium b…
Science and Technology
New Meta Madison service allows Ashley Madison members to cheat on each other
TORONTO – Avid Life Media Inc., the parent company of adultery-enabling website AshleyMadison.com, has unveiled a new service called Meta Madison which allows users of Ashley Madison to have extr…
Astronomical Union threatens planetary status of Neptune if funding demands not met
PARIS – In a surprise press conference this morning, International Astronomical Union President Norio Kaifu announced that, unless funding goals were met within the next 24 hours, the body would …
Wacky Orca delights kids with curved fin
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – With his dorsal fin deformed into a zany semicircle by the repetitive stress of swimming in small circles, Marineland’s new star Orca, Kitsak, has already brought …
New study reveals that your cousin Steve is still hoping to hang out soon
Prince George, British Columbia — A comprehensive new study released by the University of Northern British Columbia this week has found that your cousin Steve would still really like to han…
Conservatives introduce new cabinet minister, Mungo
OTTAWA – Shortly after the resignation of Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird, the Harper government has introduced his seven-foot-eight, 482-pound successor, the Honourable Mungo. “Haurrgh…
Man on deathbed asks children for iPhone 6
TORONTO – A 68 year-old man suffering from pancreatic cancer has asked his adult children to purchase him the new iPhone 6 so he can cross ‘experiencing all of Apple’s new features…
Kinky Canadian scientist can’t wait to be muzzled
TORONTO – While preemptively binding himself with rope, Dr. Saul Goldberg, a prominent ecologist and S&M aficionado, expressed his excitement at being completely muzzled and degraded by…
Friend’s sense of self-worth measured in ‘likes’
HAMILTON, ON – Local communications officer Amanda Pilith measures her value to society in terms of how many ‘likes’ she receives on Facebook posts for her random musings, attempts at witti…
Scientists discover new species of superintelligent pig is even tastier
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia (UBC) have discovered that a newly-engineered species of pig with superhuman intelligence and empathy tastes ‘incredible’. “At …
