WASHINGTON, DC – NASA has announced that the Curiosity rover has recently discovered compelling evidence for the existence of nightlife on Mars, including but not limited to clubs, bars, an…
Science and Technology
Embarrassed scientists reveal alien radio signal was actually meant for a planet behind us
Mountain View, CA—Astronomers at the SETI Institute have confirmed that a radio signal originated from an advanced alien civilization, but was intended for a different planet behind Earth. “This …
Air demonstration team bedazzles spectators with early 1960s technology
ANDERSON, SC – A thrilling spectacle unfolded over the skies of South Carolina on Sunday as the RCAF’s Snowbirds showcased their aircraft’s cutting-edge technology from the early 1960s. The…
Facebook dating algorithm to find the perfect match for your carefully curated online persona
SILICON VALLEY – Taking a break from helping the Russian government tamper with American elections, Facebook has pivoted into the dating sphere, utilizing their infamous data collection to …
Scientists discover renewable energy source in mediocre white men’s confidence
VANCOUVER, BC – Hundreds of years of privilege has transformed white male confidence into a pure, clean burning source of fuel, according to a study published by the University of British C…
NASA discovers Earth-like planet 20 feet from Earth
WASHINGTON D.C. – Astronomers with the National Aeronautics and Space Administration have announced the ground-breaking discovery of a planet similar to Earth only 20 feet away from our own plane…
Facebook intentionally leaks billions of embarrassing personal details to show you aren’t perfect either
Menlo Park, CA – Social media giant Facebook announced today that they’ve intentionally leaked billions of its users embarrassing personal failures in an attempt to show the world that, hey…
Archeologists unearth ancient iPod from 2005 in junk drawer
WINDSOR, ON – Calling it a “rare specimen”, archaeologists announced Friday that they have unearthed what appears to be an Apple iPod, dating it from the geological period of 2005 based on …
New Facebook protocol will only let you delete your account in exchange for a dark secret they don’t already know
MENLO PARK, CA – As more and more people are attempting to delete their Facebook accounts due to the social media giant’s unfolding data collection scandal, Facebook now requires users to r…
Elon Musk finally invents a way to fuck gravity
Los Angeles, CA – Tech billionaire Elon Musk announced today, after years of research and million of dollars, that he has finally found a way to put his penis inside the physical constant o…
