BROWNSVILLE, TX – Tech visionary Elon Musk astounded observers when he set aside more than a decade of unfulfilled vows to colonize the Red Planet in favour of the seemingly more modest goa…
Science and Technology
OpenAI promises new safeguards to prevent suicide-related lawsuits
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Facing allegations that their ChatGPT LLMs have been responsible for numerous user suicides, OpenAI responded swiftly by insisting the company will develop new proactive…
Couples pregnancy app carefully dumbs down information sent to father
BRANDON, MB – A new pregnancy-monitoring app, 9months, has gained popularity thanks to its carefully-analyzed gestational data which is shared with expectant mothers and completely withheld…
Report: Even Grok grossed out by how much Elon Musk is in Epstein Files
PALO ALTO, CA – The generative artificial intelligence Grok, which recently made headlines for creating user-directed underage pornography, has expressed “profound uneasiness” a…
Elon Musk achieves dream of automating child sex abuse
AUSTIN, TX – World’s richest man Elon Musk has achieved another lifelong milestone goal, this time training his artificial intelligence program Grok to make it easier than ever for us…
Tech CEOs suggest AI job losses could be offset by UBI which they will violently oppose
PALO ALTO, CA – A group of Silicon Valley tech CEOs assure North Americans that job losses from artificial intelligence could easily be mitigated by universal basic income, while also addin…
Creators of AI-generated actress unsure if coolest part is the creepiness or the stealing
PALO ALTO, CA – The inventors of Tilly Norwood, a computer generated character built using artificial intelligence, enthusiastically insist their creation is both unsettlingly lifeless and …
“AI is just a tool” says tech mogul who is just a tool
PALO ALTO, CA – Tech industry billionaire Jared Banks recently dismissed fears over artificial intelligence disrupting the labor market by insisting that AI is “just a tool”, wh…
Meet the new CEO of X: this ouija board that speaks directly to Hitler’s ghost
TEXAS – Following Linda Yaccarino’s departure as CEO of X this morning, Elon Musk wasted no time holding a press conference to announce her successor: a ouija board with a direct supe…
Mars fans anticipate trading only known habitable planet for world where any unprotected human would immediately perish
GREAT EXUMA, BERMUDA — Thousands of excited would-be Martians gathered at MarsFest to enthuse over Elon Musk’s most recent vow to colonize the categorically inhospitable Red Planet. Citing Space-…
