WINNIPEG – A local Shoppers Drug Mart has spurred rumours of the apocalypse after its pharmacy opted to pick up the phone. The Shoppers pharmacy has become so notorious for its lack of communicat…
Religion
In embarrassing snafu, starting line-up of St. Louis Cardinals included in Conclave to elect new pope
VATICAN CITY – In a clear administrative error by the Holy See, the recently convened Conclave to choose the next pope has mistakenly included both the entire College of Cardinals as well as the …
Stoned guy at mass really enjoying Body of Christ
WINDSOR, ON — A stoned man attending Catholic mass this past weekend appeared to particularly enjoy the Communion wafers on offer. Jon Talbot, 34, popped an edible prior to attending mass with hi…
Passion play using distractingly hot Christ
OTTAWA – The passion play produced by Ottawa’s St. Francis Xavier Church has drawn attention and controversy this year by crucifying a total stud, according to aroused sources. “Dang, I see our L…
Christian enjoys yet another day of not feeling unsafe because other Christians did crimes
Fredericton- Local Christian school administrator Fred McFinnigan woke up this morning, ate a hearty breakfast, and for the 15,344th consecutive day was not made to account for any criminal acts …
Alley behind church unholiest place in town
INNISFIL — A recent survey of local satanists has revealed that the alley behind St. Barnabas Catholic Church is officially the unholiest place in town, edging out the slaughterhouse, the abandon…
Sikh Community prepares for annual pilgrimage of White politicians to Brampton
BRAMPTON, ON – As Sikhs across Canada look forward to 2023’s Vaisakhi celebrations, volunteers in Brampton are hastily preparing in anticipation for one of their communities most cherished …
Pope decrees that every Friday is a Good Friday when you’re hanging with your buds
VATICAN CITY – Supreme Pontiff Pope Francis has marked the holiest week on the Christian calendar by reminding Catholics worldwide that it’s important to kick it with your pals. “On Good Friday, …
Investigation of Catholic Church by Catholic Church finds no wrongdoing by Catholic Church
VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis issued a statement Thursday deeming the sexual assault allegations against Quebec Cardinal Marc Ouellet as ‘insufficient grounds’ to launch a formal investigation. The…
Pope Francis closes Commonwealth Stadium mass with 52-yard Hail Mary
EDMONTON, AB – A massive open-air church service held at Commonwealth Stadium concluded when Pope Francis completed a 52-yard Hail Mary in the last few seconds of the mass’ regulation time.…
