MONTREAL – The RCMP and Canadian Wildlife Service issued a joint statement late Thursday afternoon advising Canadians across the country to shelter in place after it was discovered that for…
Politics
Pierre Poilievre threatens to dox one Canadian who lives in a small home every day until he’s made PM
OTTAWA – Inspired by the negative backlash after he shared the address of a random small house that he called “a shack”, Conservative Leader and MP Pierre Poilievre has declared that he wil…
So-called “centrist” doesn’t even know how to pronounce Pierre Poilievre
Ottawa, Ontario – Self-proclaimed political centrist DougieLove4514 recently admitted he couldn’t even pronounce Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre’s name. “I wouldn’t say I belong …
Local woman makes hating Canada her entire personality, wins Alberta election
EDMONTON – A local woman who has made hating Canada her entire personality has become Premier of Alberta after winning the provincial election. Danielle Smith, a lifelong Canadian citizen b…
TTC violence not linked to housing crisis, healthcare funding or the fact I hate Toronto declares Premier Ford
TORONTO – I know that people are looking for someone to blame for the violence on the TTC but I can assure everyone that this is in no way linked to the housing crisis, healthcare funding …
Sikh Community prepares for annual pilgrimage of White politicians to Brampton
BRAMPTON, ON – As Sikhs across Canada look forward to 2023’s Vaisakhi celebrations, volunteers in Brampton are hastily preparing in anticipation for one of their communities most cherished …
DeSantis denounces woke soap companies that encourage consumers to “apply liberally”
TALLAHASSEE, FL. ― In an interview this week, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took aim at the tyrannical sellers of hygiene and personal care products who routinely attempt to convert people to lib…
Canadians agree the only foreigners who should influence our elections are the ones who own our newspapers
OTTAWA – Following reports that China may have attempted to interfere in a recent federal election, Canadians of all political stripes are up in arms at the idea that foreign powers would t…
Trudeau hires consulting firm to examine government over-reliance on consulting firms
OTTAWA – Amidst charges that the Federal Liberal Party has awarded excessive contracts to consulting firms, namely McKinsey & Company, Prime Minister Trudeau has vowed to study the sit…
John Tory admits to fucking Toronto
TORONTO – In breaking news, Mayor John Tory has announced his resignation after admitting to fucking Toronto. “It was a serious error of judgment on my part,” the longtime polit…