WASHINGTON D.C. – After a gruelling five days of counting votes between presidential candidates Donald Trump and Joe Biden, the American people have pulled forward to do the absolute bare m…
Politics
“Wearing a mask infringes on my rights,” says local woman who doesn’t vote
ST. CATHARINES, ON – Local woman Meghan Landon attended an anti-mask protest this past Monday where she proclaimed her dislike for the government-imposed law, despite having never voted in …
Drive-in campaign rally just excuse for politically active teens to make out
ALTOONA, PA – Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden held a last-minute drive-in campaign rally on the campus of Penn State-Altoona, and while the attendees were ostensibly there to supp…
Ford: “When I blamed young people for spreading COVID, I didn’t mean my MPPs”
TORONTO – In response to photos of Ontario’s youngest MPP, Sam Oosterhoff, posing indoors in a tightly gathered group of roughly 40 unmasked people, premier Doug Ford explained that althoug…
Senator Lynn Beyak: I didn’t know donating to Trump was illegal, I thought it was just racist
OTTAWA – Senator Lynn Beyak is in trouble once again, but she wants to assure the Canadian public who pay her $157,600 yearly salary that breaking American election law was never her intent…
Coney Barrett ends confirmation ceremony by accidentally deciding election for Trump 1 week early
WASHINGTON D.C. – Appearing at the White House for her swearing-in as a Supreme Court Justice, Amy Coney Barrett committed a humorous gaffe wherein she accidentally decided the upcoming US …
Trudeau ready to trigger election if cafeteria doesn’t have those delicious mozza sticks
OTTAWA – While waiting in line at the Parliamentary cafeteria, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said he’s willing to go to the polls if he doesn’t get his hands on some gooey mozza sticks with…
Guy wearing brown cape hopefully just quirky and not some weird new kind of white supremacist
OTTAWA – According to reports, a man spotted wearing a brown cape with a little hood is, dear God let’s hope, just really into Lord of the Rings or something and not wearing this as a kind of sig…
Man with 200% household debt could run Canada a lot better
AJAX, ON – Local homeowner and heavily indebted man Toby Kowalski is confident he could easily balance the national budget, lower taxes, and cut government waste. Kowalski provided his anal…
“The extra C stands for Canada,” says newly christened Cconservative Party
OTTAWA – Canada’s official opposition party has unveiled a new logo and a new name to go with it, and are proudly inviting Canadians to say hello to the new Cconservatives. “We’re putting C…
