QUEEN’S PARK – In an effort to improve his public image, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has extended the emergency orders placed on the province for exactly however long the remainder of h…
Ontario
Doug Ford announces he couldn’t participate in online Pride since he was already logged onto a virtual cottage
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford explained to his constituents Monday that he was not able to participate in the online Pride Parade this weekend since he had pre-existing plans to log onto a …
Ontario Suburbanites urge province to allow social bubbles big enough for decent orgy
ONTARIO- Despite the Ontario government now permitting social gatherings of up to ten people, many in the suburbs are requesting the number be increased in order to enable worthwhile orgies. “You…
Ford: “Ontario to slowly re-open COVID-19 outbreaks”
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced his government will be carefully re-opening the province to COVID-19 outbreaks. With over 200 new cases reported yesterday, the premier s…
Every living premier in Ontario blames long-term care facilities problems on their predecessor
TORONTO – In the wake of the Canadian Military’s truly disturbing report about conditions in Ontario’s long-term care facilities, every Premier and former Premier has found and blamed…
Ford Government promises to discuss visiting family members once guidelines established for butlers, sommeliers
QUEEN’S PARK — Today Premier Ford announced his government will begin developing guidelines for when Ontarians can visit their families again, just as soon as they finish establishing rules…
Restrictions remain in place for Ontarians who can’t afford cottages
ORILLIA – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that COVID-19 restrictions will still remain in place during the Victoria Day Weekend for those unable to afford cottages. “For those of yo…
Toronto vows to continue gentrification with or without the help of Sidewalk Labs
TORONTO – Citing economic uncertainty, Google affiliate company Sidewalk Labs announced that it is abandoning plans to build a high-tech neighbourhood on the city’s waterfront. However, the…
Doug Ford rattles bars on cell as imposter continues to competently manage COVID-19 pandemic
TORONTO – An increasingly enraged Premier Doug Ford has taken to shaking the bars on his cage as he is forced to watch an imposter competently manage Ontario’s COVID-19 pandemic respo…
New Ontario license plates passed rigorous testing by drug dealers in unlit parking lot
TORONTO – The Ontario Minister of Government Services Lisa Thompson responded to critics of the new unreadable Ontario license plate by saying that they were rigorously tested at the Queens…
