TORONTO – 1,500 former employees of Future Shop Canada will receive a generous severance package of Best Buy gift certificates valued at $25 or more. Best Buy, the parent company of Future …
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Canada will drop ‘very smart bombs’ programmed to understand complexities of Syrian conflict
OTTAWA – Defence Minister Jason Kenney has assured the Canadian public the bombs being dropped on Syria will be of the ‘very smart bomb’ variety fully capable of understanding the complicat…
Government removes ‘Trans’ from Trans-Canada Highway citing family values
OTTAWA – Canada’s transcontinental highway will get a name change after several Conservative MPs and Senators expressed discomfort with the current name. The Conservative caucus accused the…
Feds ask workers with disabilities to shred policy on human decency before laying them off
OTTAWA – The federal government has made one final request to 50 wastepaper workers with intellectual disabilities before they are laid off and the work given to more expensive private comp…
CSIS oversight committee moves into new quarters at YMCA
OTTAWA – Responsible for overseeing the newly expanded powers of the Canadian spy agency CSIS, the Security Intelligence Review Committee has just moved into a 240 square-foot office comple…
Health Minister to allow 3-parent babies as long as she is one of the parents
OTTAWA – A medical procedure that would give children the cellular material of three parents has been legalized, as long as one of the parents is Health Minister Rona Ambrose. “This bill wi…
Report: Nation’s dads still in the bathroom
CANADA – Reports are coming in from across the nation confirming that, despite taking more than enough time, Canada’s fathers have yet to exit the bathroom. “We don’t want to alarm anyone, …
Tory MP Larry Miller apologizes for racist comments which he still stands by and does not apologize for
OWEN SOUND – Conservative MP Larry Miller has apologized for telling women wearing the niqab to “stay the hell where you came from”, a claim which he refuses to apologize for. “My comments …
Stephen Harper extends Canada’s arctic territory by peeing on North Pole
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that the United Nations has accepted his proposed extension to Canada’s arctic border after providing proof that he had urinated on th…
New ‘Q’ host’s first interview will be all his former sexual partners
TORONTO – After announcing that hip hop artist Shad will be the new host for ‘Q’, the CBC has confirmed that his first interview will be every person with whom he has any sort of sexual his…
