OTTAWA – Despite a report from the Parliamentary Budget Officer indicating that the nation’s budget will not be balanced, the Conservatives triumphantly announced today that Canada is the f…
National
Joe Oliver still scheduled to speak at tree house, no girls allowed
TORONTO — Conservative Finance Minister Joe Oliver will appear at an elite all-boys tree house club to woo supporters after cancelling a speech at a men-only club. “Mr. Oliver will st…
Scouts cautioned not to feed wild animals hungry for votes
COMOX, BC — Scouts Canada have reminded all members that they should never approach or feed wild politicians. The announcement comes after a close call for three scouts who came very near t…
Harper defends current chief of staff stating he’s at least a year away from prosecution
OTTAWA — Prime Minister Stephen Harper defended his current chief of staff’s involvement in the Duffy affair stating that he’s still got plenty of time before authorities catch up to him. H…
Mulcair hastily flushes pot legislation down toilet after parents come home early
OTTAWA – After being surprised by his parents early arrival, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair was forced to dispose of his draft for a marijuana legalization bill. “Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” said Mulcair…
Public servant fired for standing near election sign
OTTAWA — Making good on the promise to crack down on public servants participating in politics, the Department of Justice has fired a federal civil servant for standing too close to an elec…
Chris Alexander hosts annual draw to see which ethnic group not welcome in Canada
OTTAWA – In one of the most glamorous events of Ottawa’s annual social calendar, Immigration minister Chris Alexander has chosen by lottery which ethnic group will no longer be welcome in C…
Liberal Party offers all platinum donors ‘night of passion’ with Justin Trudeau
Ottawa – In a fundraising email sent over the weekend, Liberal Party revenue officer Stephen Bronfman promised every donor who contributed over $1000.00 a lengthy and sensual one on one mee…
Inmate Del Mastro caught trading cigarettes for votes
BATH, ON – Corrections officials say former Conservative MP and ethics spokesperson Dean Del Mastro has spent his current prison sentence bribing prisoners to vote Conservative with cigaret…
NDP: ‘$17/hour’ in English translates to ‘$15/hour’ in French, ‘$13/hour’ in Punjabi
MONTREAL – NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair has informed the media that the wage gap between party campaign workers is just how $17 per hour in English translates differently into French and Punja…
