TORONTO – Roommates Darrin, Phil, and Maria were surprised this weekend when a massive rat scrabbled out from behind the stove and asked them if they could please take better care of the pl…
Local
Local man tired of warnings from time-travelling future selves
KENORA, ON – Reckless adventure-lover Devon Howard has grown tired of the ominous warnings personally delivered to him by various time-travelling versions of his future self. The visits fir…
Barista wakes up happy and refreshed, ready to be screamed at by customer
TORONTO – Feeling well-rested and in high spirits, local barista Jennifer McMahon has woken up this morning ready to be berated by a customer for any conceived imperfections in their mornin…
Man wakes up happy and refreshed, ready to scream at barista
TORONTO – Feeling well-rested and in high spirits, local corporate lawyer Ron Chapnick has woken up this morning ready to verbally tear into a barista for any conceived imperfections in his…
Local man too old and tired to pretend he doesn’t like Coldplay
TORONTO – Creeping into his late twenties and starting to notice the small signs of inevitable decline in his body, local man Jason Santos no longer cares enough to pretend he doesn’t enjoy…
Local woman being gaslighted by raccoons
TORONTO – Using their urban survival skills and manual dexterity, a family of raccoons is taking perverse pleasure in making a local woman think she’s losing her mind. “I could have sworn I…
“Protest doesn’t solve anything,” says man who has never solved anything
LONDON, ON – In a revolutionary move, local man George Hunter has posted online about his disdain for civil action as a solution despite the fact that he has never even changed a lightbulb withou…
Couple with kids has sex outside of date night
WINNIPEG – Friends of Kari and Robert Hern have confirmed the occurrence of unplanned marital sex between the couple last Tuesday. Sources within Kari’s book club and Rob’s poker circle say that …
Man with devil sticks and toe-shoes undermines gravitas of local rally
Comox, British Columbia – Organizers of a local rally to protect farmland in Parksville from developers were dismayed this weekend to find their event undermined by the presence of a man wi…
Child’s New Year’s resolution to become ninja robot alarmingly successful
WINDSOR, ON – The parents of six-year-old Anthony Parker are both proud and shocked at the speed with which he achieved one of his New Year’s resolutions: “to become a big ninja robot.” Sou…
